i was cupped at physio today

Today i went to physio about my painful back muscles  and the young man was really kind , he got straight into it,   gave me a gown to get into and left me some privacy, he didn't however tell me which way the opening goes, so i took my top off, left my bra on ( wasn't sure if i was meant to take that off too lol) in hindsight now i think it would have been better having it off, um not having it off in a biblical mummy loves daddy way, i mean taking my bra off,, oh , you know what i mean anyway. he got me to do a few bends to test my restrictions, and got me on my tummy on the table,  i felt him pushing down hard around my spine, and then touching my back muscles in turn to figure out my painful areas,  then i  noticed some gel on me and he massaged around a bit, i was then sucked to within an inch of my life by a cupping machine, on my middle back it was fine, but it hurt quite a bit on my upper back. he sat me up and felt around my back again, then got me to put my hands behind my head, and he stood behind me , putting a towel in my back , he wrapped his arms around my arms and said to breathe in and relax and he gave my back a stretch, i said , this looks like a familiar position i have seen in a book lol, I'm hoping now that it was in fact a towel in my back.

I was asked to lay face down again, and he massaged  me alot more, saying to me that he noticed I'm very stiff on my left side, i was thinking, well son its probably that way because i have my arm and legs squeezed in as close to my side as i could, the young fellas, crotch kept nudging its way up and down my side as he massaged and prodded and i was  getting a little concerned that i was diddling his nads if i moved, lol maybe i should have just gone, diddle diddle,  and it would have made him more aware of where he rests it during therapies.
i was walked through some exercises that will help stretch my back again,  a few of them a little bit, hellooooo, so i will be doing those in private, i was also a little concerned with the one where i have to put my head between my crossed arms as i am stretching my back holding a railing, it was beginning to feel like i was going to be decapitated by my breasts. i will do these exercises twice a day to help my back.  and keep up the hot water bottle,
I asked him when i can fully train again and he said, lower half till Friday and then i should be ok to get into heavier training again... I'm hoping so ,  as i feel like i have stumbled on the last hurdle towards the finishing line.

I am signing up for round 2 so i am not going to panic about things at the moment, i just want to get that 10kg loss before end of round.. so its head down bum up..

below is a photo of my back strapping, it looks like I'm wearing a lady sanitary item stuck to my back..
i can remove it in 72 hours. or if it is causing me pain before that its coming off..... I'm hoping i don't have back hair  that i was not aware of, because this will hurt like a biatch to rip off.

 Another thing that made me chuckle was when the young man was doing the upper back he had to unclip my bra.... the one im wearing in the pic,  as he was fumbling around i said to him, im guessing you are either single or your girlfriend only wears tiny bras with one clip on them cause you are not having much success  . hahahah he laughed at that and concentrated really hard to get it back up faster when he was finished.  I really am naughty sometimes. It was mums fault as she was there too and things are always a little on the crazy side when us two get together.

Im off for a shower now and some loving time with my man.  take care and i will blog my weigh in tomorrow. i am expecting a gain this week, its is said when you have injury you can hold a little weight .... lets hope not.

over did it, now i have an injury... oopsies

Hello wee poppets, i hope you are all having a wonderful weekend, in fact i hope you all have been having a great and active week. my week has been all over the place to be honest .
I have achieved quite a bit, i got alot of sewing done, i had an encounter with a nasty photo comment on facebook, i shall post the pics here , you see what happened was this, my ex sent me a text saying he had seen something awful on facebook and he was all upset about it. this to me was a bit of a con, my ex has a habit of trying to hurt me in as many ways as he possibly can, even 3 years after we separated. He knows i am a soft natured person who doesn't like violence and one time to try hurt me he sent an email to me of a  murder victim, i was lucky enough to only catch a glimpse of the  pic  but it was enough to set of my anxiety and panic and was a terrible terrible experience.  I  never open emails from him if there is an image, in fact i usually wont open emails from him full stop. so this was why i didn't want to go to the link he was trying to show me, instead i rang him and asked why he was trying to show me a link and what was it. He said it was a photo of me on facebook that had nasty comments under it. 
 i didn't remember there being a photo of me like that as i don't go anywhere and wondered if he had done it himself with old pics from when we were together. 
I eventually went to the link, and found this 

 At the base of the pic is nasty comments by a total stranger, who then tagged her male friend in it and had a laugh at my expense. It might not be the front of me and most people would not know who it was, the fact is that people who matter will see my sons face and realise.  This really affected me in a bad way. i hid in the bathroom and sobbed, devastated that at my age i would have nasty comments blabbed about me on facebook, not to mention that my sweet innocent little man is in plain view. this is his  mother they are making fun of. could you imagine how he would feel if he were to see this one day , or a friend of his see it. 

i cried for quite a while, telling my friends in my 12wbt forum about it, i had never come across such terrible people before like that. I reported the pic to no avail, i asked her to remove it , to no avail , i have now reported this pic 4 times and had no help from facebook at all.

 I did a lot of soul searching, looking at this pic,  going through emotions very quickly, shock, pain, embarrassment, anger, guilt , devastation...... like a rollercoaster my head was flipping feelings around seeming to search for the right one to describe how i was feeling through this. 
yes i am overweight, no its not a flattering picture but i sure don't look like i am about to go on the biggest loser. 

By that afternoon i had calmed down and  the next morning i got my kids to take a pic of me in that dress ( almost as famous as the blue Monica  dress ) 

i decided i would use the photo as a comparison pic at the start of my journey.. my new pic is below 

 i can still see rolls down my back, but i am thinking there is a lot of difference between the woman in the first picture and the woman in the second picture.. for started the woman in the first picture was suffering alot, she was miserable, fat, unhealthy, anxious, dizzy, unfit, scattered, frightened, weak and just going through each day in pain and aching waiting for the end . 

the woman in the second picture is ALIVE.. fitter, smaller , stronger, still dizzy but dealing with it better, still has moments of anxiety but is gaining strength from within that is making her a better person.  she loves being alive now and is planning a future, she looks forward to exercise and loves that her youngest son wants to do things just like her.  the second photo has a woman in it that is in a beautiful relationship and wants to experience as many things life has to hand out as she can. 

these woman are nothing alike any more, the second woman has taken over and is going to  get stronger still. 

 speaking of stronger, i had a bit of an energetic day yesterday.. meaning i went to a dance class and  burned over 300 cal for the hour, then went for a brisk beach walk  in soggy sand, which meant i had to work at it, but burned 110 cal in 18 minutes, then raced home to go to another dance class , burning another 360 cals . i was exhausted. 
I have never felt so strong though i was full of incredible energy, i just wanted to run... yep you read it right, run... OK jog with arms flailing, my running is other peoples jogging lol but i am getting there. 

well my mind and body forgot to cooperate , last night i had a nice warm shower as i was so weary from all my work, then i was making dinner, i opened the oven and kaboom, pain all across my middle back...nooooooooo   what was this all about,? when will i be able to train again.?will i be able to wipe my own butt?, these were all thoughts shooting through my head as fast as the pain was intensifying. after a few nurofen, bed and hot water bottle i managed the pain better, but  i got a fitful night sleep, and today its very tender like i had done a killer workout, i am taking it easy today, i had a hot shower this morning at 7 and spent till 11am doing my housework so i can be ready for my relax later, then it came to me, i was listening to music and steam mopping my floors, when i got the urge...... I WANT TO PAINT.  So as soon as i finished cleaning i have prepped a new portrait ,this time i am going to try my hand at celebrities, my first being the one and only Johnny Depp, mmmmmmm yummy... i hope i can get this right, it will be fun having a long deep look at that perfect face of his though(from an artists perspective of course)*looks around to see if damo read that.

so it has indeed been a week of business emotionally for me. i will still be working as hard as my back will allow, otherwise i will do lots of cycling.
  Take care and do something your future self will thank you for... i know mine will :)

weigh in week 9

i have been a very busy little bee this week, i have been watching my Xena dvds while sewing, oh how much i love my Xena, ( a little secret , i one day will own a full replica of her costume custom made in my size, hence my urgency to get smaller too ). So i have had this gorgeous pattern  of a very complicated looking corset top, you know how this girl loves her corsets, well i finally got off my ass and had a go at it, took me 1  and a half seasons to finish it. 
I must have looked ridiculous, sometimes laughing, sometimes tearing up , other times just staring vacantly at the screen with mouth slack.  somehow still managing to finish a difficult , attempts back flip, stands , pauses , sits again... i don't have a stunt double.

 So when i actually  go out i will get a pic of me wearing it ,  its a very vintage looking top and it will go well with alot of the outfits i have. 
I also whipped up a top and gave it to mum, it was a more simplistic baby doll singlet top that i didn't photograph. I am about to make a start on  a top and corset set , not sure how it will turn out but I'm willing to give it a shot. That reminds me , i made a cute black corset 2 years ago with a peplum waist and i only wore it for 2 hours and never wore it again due to me getting fatter. I'm going to try that sucker on ... i will be back in a minute I'm back, it fits again, woohoo and as i looked at it closely i thought it might possibly go with this white top too.

So kids are on school holidays,  this usually means sleep ins but noooooo not since 12wbt, i never get sleep ins, I'm up and have to be ready for my workouts by 8am, even on Sunday when i could squeeze a sleep in, I'm wide awake at 6am... the injustice of it all. 
The kids have been OK apart from , noise, fighting, back chatting, mess making and general boredom, so i have my work cut out for me on the holidays. i had to tell them that they were not allowed to play on the computer until i saw that they did enough  physical activity to earn it.... i am a Meany aren't i?

I managed to occupy them a lot yesterday taking them to see the baby farm animals and then to the beach. we were all so exhausted last night that i was a bit of a cranky mummy. oops. poor kiddies.

Today  is weigh in day and even though i have been busting a gut with my workouts , it is seriously hard to get this damned weight off. i swear when i get to my goal weight i am going to do all i can to  stop the weight coming back , its just too bloody hard  to remove it. 
I got my new scales 2 days ago, which gave me a chance to see if they liked me more than the others did. they are tanita scales and have that body composition stuff on it. i gave it a go, set up my profile and got on and i swear i could feel the current passing through my body . lol scary  to a sook like me, but i just reminded myself it was OK, i was not going to explode at any time soon. i got all  my readings and still am not sure what they all mean  but my main focus is  on my weight..
Today i weighed in at.......93.7 :) that down a total of 9.3kg since  sign up. i really want to get that 10 by end of round, and hopefully close to 15 so i have a lot of work to do.
I am off to do my housework, so i can get more sewing done. i will feel guilty if i try to  sew while my lounge is untidy and my bed unmade..yes yes i know , make it as soon as you get up. but i couldn't because Connor was snuggled in it , playing on my phone. he is such a cutey head. 

Have a good day  and remember to never give up.

weigh and measure week 8

So here i am again, its time to weigh, measure, poop, weigh and measure again :) I'm serious, those things can  weigh more than a few hundred grams and those little numbers are important.  well today i did my usual prep.,  shaved under my arms , cause you never know how heavy those little hairs can be :) 
today i was expecting a big gain, its period time, and so i have that delightful bloat and pains we women suffer  with, and  so when i got on the scales i was delighted that it was not a gain but a 200 gram loss. not much i know but its still downwards and *coughiateeastereggscough so i was expecting trouble,i will say though that i was careful and kept it in my calorie count.

So that's me down 8.4kg now, and 94.6 kg,  phew i cant wait to  get under that 90kg.
then it was measure up time, being bloaty wont give me the best results but i  was glad that i had results again 
Lost another 20 cm in body size, making it an overall loss of 46cm so far, woohoo where the hell did that all go, i have visions of 46cm of sludge glugging its way down the drain after i shower ewwww. making that's what all the sweat is lol I'm so glad we don't get shorter as we lose weight or i will end up 30cm tall by my goal weight.  I have not done my fitness test yet,  that will be done tomorrow, i just need to find somewhere new to do my 1km run as i now have a small boat and a fire pit in my front yard where i used to do my fitness testing. I'm off now to do a hair cut, then its back home to do housework and finish making Tatjahnas new top. 
I will fill you in on my fitness tests tomorrow. have a great day 
if you have been reading this and want to join 12wbt then there is the link and congrats on your new life
www.12wbt.com

thrown in the deep end , voice first

Hi lovelies, what a harrowing day today has been for me. i had 4 days warning so i knew it was coming , trouble is i have managed  to avoid this situation for almost 6 years more on a professional level. I certainly would not have volunteered to enter a singing comp, country or otherwise so i was a little shell shocked when mum asked me to do a duet with her for the comp today. 
What???????   me sing , on a stage, in front of people  , after all these years you have to be bloody kidding..!!!!!!!  so i said yes. wtf was i thinking. 
My vertigo can be awakened heavily by nerves so you should have seen me ,   as someone with anxiety i deal with feeling nervous quite often but today it was on high alert. i didn't think i could even lift my arms to hold the mikes lol  i just kept thinking about how  much mum deserved me to do a good job, I was not doing it expecting to get a placing, and we don't find that out till tomorrow,  i just wanted to beat my  nerves, wanted to have the chance to perform again , I loved performing for so long.

When we got to the venue i was feeling really nervy and wobbly but kept my thoughts as busy as i could, mainly on hoping others thought i looked as cute as i believed i did in my new dress lol
 we had to stay behind the stage and listen to all the other singers first, i hate that bit. my nerves tried so hard to take over that my arms felt seriously heavy. i said to mum that i probably wouldn't be able to hold a mike up so we asked them to leave them in the stands. probably lose points for that but i was not there for that reason.  I leant over to mum and said, " If i get so nervous that i pass out or faint, can you really quickly cover my ass"? she laughed so hard. but i was bloody serious lol,  i wouldn't have control over how i land so i just wanted to take care of my dignity .:)
Then i said oh and i have two pairs of undies on in case i crap a pair so if i do, just sneak them off and toss them under the stage while no ones looking.
 The laughing calmed a few nerves but as soon as they called us up i couldn't really hear anything. my head was going off into space somewhere, i was trying to stop my knees locking and  keep that professional air about me.. probably  losing that air as much as i was losing gas :) just glad the band was loud.
I have never sung with a band before so it was a real double test. i said to mum, " no pressure but   if you mess up , we are effed lol"   I was harmonising mum so it was pretty much up to her to keep me on track. We are pretty notorious for the odd slip up that always entertains the audience ... in a good way ... but doing it right mattered this time. 
I'm not even sure that i could see any of the people in the audience at all and i just know the other contestants were picking the shit out of our performance lol, cause we kind of did the same listening to them. just a little bit... and nothing disrespectful... nothing Simon Cowell like. 

Then mid instrumental mum does a dance thing.... wtf... i gotta dance.... shit.... in this dress, damn .. so i did my best little hot shoe shuffle thinking  that mum better remember my ass covering if i drop.

We got through the song and mum instinctively grabbed my hand as we walked off stage as she knew i would need the walking support .. and i did. 
I was so proud of her this competition as she has wanted to do it for 12 years and she finally did. Just like i dragged her into  my morning workouts , mum dragged me to the comp. The good thing is i am now a member of the club so will be practising singing every week  with mum and the band, and Damian  might even like playing his guitar sometimes for us too :)

So i have  been exercising... i didn't think i ever would again. 
I have  been clogging.... didn't think that would ever be possible again 
I sang on stage in front of a huge crowd in a comp...... what was in those brownies>????/ ( disclaimer, no brownies were consumed at all and certainly not any "funny" ones) 
 This is looking to be a very powerful year for me, lets see just how much more i can achieve.

 Whats next? pole dancing....... rock climbing.... wearing matching underwear??? who knows but I'm going to do it any way

a pic for you all to gander at... this is me Post singing , very nervous still and  waiting for my ride home... amusing mum with my " model" poses

 I'm not a r4eal big country music fan but i managed to find myself some boots for the day 

weigh in week 7,

Hi lovelies , its weigh in day today, i should have blogged you earlier but what a busy ant day i had today, i think i have spent all of  2 hours home all day. i managed to race to big w this morning for a little shopping for the kids, they will be getting clothes for Easter and one egg and they are happy with that. i also managed to buy a cheap little dress me me to throw on   for shopping or such,  at only 18 dollars it was a steal, i grabbed an 18  and got it home and realised i will need to take it in quite a lot, woohoo. they only went from 18 to 26 and for the first time in many years i had to back away from that section and look in the smaller sections. yayyyyyyy. 

So i  will stitch it later when I'm finished my blogging and the cleaning i missed out on doing today, and its odd cause now there seems to be mountains of cleaning when before there didn't seem to be that much. 
while at Big W i also managed to grab a really cute bra and pantie set,(don't tell damo i will show him later) this time i was able to buy a smaller size and it fit and it only cost me 15 for both , I'm used to buying them exclusively at bras n things  because they don't have my size in Big W. well now they do :)

Then as i was wondering through the fitness section i managed to grab myself some Michelle Bridges, One Active stuff, namely some of her sports socks and her new  hot pink workout jackets, i love it and this time i grabbed a 16 cause it looked about right . I have seriously digressed but i just wanted to  blab about my new threads. oh and not to mention the cool jewellery i snagged up for 3 bux.. mhmmm 3 little bux, now i will need somewhere to go. 

After my running around at shops i  got my workout done and dusted and  raced off for more appointments. 
The most important part of the day  was my weigh in,  no fuss and fancy words here today, i got nuddy, i got on the scales and i gave a little cheer, down to 94.7, that's 8.2kg gone now. *pumps fist, does a little fancy dance.

I am hoping to continue with getting results now, as i was a little up and down for a few weeks and the frustration was terrible. I'm going to keep at it and hope for the best. 

thanks for reading , and blog ya later x

Clogging nearly killed me.... i swear its true :)

Today marked my  return to clogging, i did not do this alone, i dragged my mum back there too. we started clogging together back in around 1999, 2000... eeek I'm old.. i loved it, we danced every week and i then practised like a madwoman every day at home. 

Then mum and i started fundraising for the fairy sparkle garden here in bundaberg,  this was always needed on Saturday mornings,  which meant we had to decide on either clogging or raising money... sadly we said goodbye to clogging.. then i went along and had 3 more kiddies,  after which we tried clogging again, sadly each time we restarted we had to go all the way back to beginners class, lol that sucked so we got bored rather quickly  and clogging fizzled out,  due to way too many reasons. 

we thought about starting up again but something always stopped us, mainly this time was my vertigo, and too many kiddies, i didn't have a way to keep the kids settled while i danced, so i waited, now they are older , and I'm sure if i needed to they could happily come and watch... I'm also hoping they might like to join up one day too for the fun of it. 

well today mum and i showed up, i was so nervous, i have the same clogs that i started with, and now it was 13 years on. i remember dancing years ago and having my stompers fly off ahead of me, lol big fail.    see pic below

well we got on our most comfortable, clothes for clogging, i assumed that all the workouts this round would have prepared me somewhat for the  stamina needed for an hour of clogging.. oh boy , i was wrong, i wonder how the hell i managed all those years ago . 

the hall we had to use was a very hasty replacement as the usual hall was double booked. the only hall was one that had gone under in the floods, so the fans and aircon were not rewired yet so they couldn't be turned on,  ai ai ai ... it was almost 31 degrees today, the hall had no airflow as it had a massive tree blocking one side and another disused massive hall on the other, plus bars on the windows, it was terrible, 
 After a brief review of some steps  we were into it. within the first 30 minutes i thought i might need a pace maker, a drip and  long cool bath. lol i was  a mess. i had already drank my 750ml of water and was not going to drink the water out of the tap as I'm a snob and these pipes had been flooded, they might say all is well with the water but i just thought icky no way .  next time i take two water bottles just in case., i will also wear a better bra as you will see from the video. I forgot how bouncy clogging is.


i managed to get a small bottle of water from my daughter as she had plenty and was only spectating. 

mum was a real goer lol she was getting into it. because of vertigo i have to be careful with turns so sometimes i did them others i didn't lol I'm hoping i can get the video to upload and you will be able to see a snippet of us clogging. 


finally  got the video edited,  

this  is about halfway through the lesson, I'm the blonde in the blue top and tattoo lol

the second one is of how wankered i am after the hour, i am seriously not enjoying myself anymore . i will be glad when i dont have a wobbly neck anymore. oh gosh, what if i am stuck with an old lady wobble.

well my pretties i better get off here and spend some time in the fresh air, otherwise Damian will wonder whats wrong with me . 
have a great weekend . i did have another video but its just not working for me today