It finally fits again

Just a quick post before i go and shower, I went out for the first time in eons tonight, normally my vertigo dictates my outings, well tonight i wanted to see my friend sing(Justin Standley ) and that meant i was going to be in public, i wanted to make sure that i looked good, so i got out a trench coat top and skirt, then realised it would be too hot, so then i got an idea, i grabbed my hell bunny dress, the petticoat that goes under it,  my under shirt, and my corset, i was determined to see if i had lost enough weight yet to be able to wear it again. 

i curled my hair, wore make up, big jewellery that Damian bought me and  i went all out. Time to get the clothes on and see if they work or even fit..... 

I will let you be the judge :) woooohooo i even had  compliments and a group of young men say "hey babe" lol 

hahhahah look at me gooooooooo,  i love my 12wbt... cant wait till i can fit into my purple one, but that will be a long way yet, it still sits here in my office  encouraging me with my goals ... night all 

Look out the Puppies are getting loose

I knew this day would come *sniffle sniffle, but its for the best,  i knew that for the sake of my health  and due to all the exercise that i would have to start saying my goodbye to my bountiful puppies.... breasts, tits, boobs, bosoms, tats, oh you get the picture. Due to my weight loss i have had to make some adjustments i knew would come but still feel a small amount of grief when the process started. You see i love my breasts. they are huge, yippee, Damian thinks the are pretty damned awesome too but now they are starting to shrink, Egad!!s what will i do now. luckily they are slowly shrinking and not the effect of sticking a pin into a balloon.

For me to find a bra to fit prior to 12WBT i had to buy a size smaller in the back  and then my cup size so it would fit right, then i had to use an extender. so i wore a 16F with an extender for my fat back.Probably needed a 16B for my back boobs too :)
Well today i can say, and this is supposed to be with happiness, that i no longer require the extender, that's a total of 10 Cm's not needed in bra. i have also had to tighten my shoulder straps as my  breasts thought they were  totally free when i was exercising and tried to bounce all over my shoulders and face, even occasionally knocking into each other, it might be soon that i can go down in a cup.... Maybe then i will need to sneakily change the E to an f so Damian doesn't think hes missing out lol

I also took a few more naked pics and hid them in a spycalc so noone can see them but me, well except for poor kahlyssa who had to take a pic of the back of me naked, I'm not sure she will recover easily cause i sure as heck didnt like what i saw lol. theres a long way to go for me , but i have started and that's a good thing.  I don't want to lose heaps of my breast, but i need them smaller so i can buy prettier and sexier clothes and get back into my corsettry  wink wink nudge nudge.

till next post, "Drop and give me 20"     oh dear that looks like I just wrote drop and give me 20 inches... i do mean push ups

It's wednesday so you know what that means.

Well it has been a while since i have typed  a post, i guess i don't really have too much of an audience to read them so it gets a little disheartening. woe is me,
Today is weigh in day, and i should be very excited by my results but I'm so tired i don't have any emotion towards it, maybe a little disappointment that its so damned slow. I clocked in at 96 today that's 1.1kg loss this week. i was hoping for more as i was working hard all week.
I am trying my best to be  more active, these last few days my vertigo has been bad. I'm trying to figure out which exercises are causing it and at this stage i can only think of biceps ( as i felt it pulling down my neck and shoulders ) and  the floor crunches, i will need to get back on the ball to do them.

I am streamlining my  nutrition plans so that i can change the days i don't like. when i get it sorted i will take a pic and show you .

I was dropping my mum home on Monday and we both saw a couple of ladies running whilst wearing  Kangoo Jumps. i remember buying something similar for my kids when they were young. these ones are designed for adults and i want a pair. i really really want some , so i asked the universe for some for my birthday in May. Lets hope the universe was listening.

I also was lucky enough to use the 12wbt discount and get myself a new water bottle and i am seriously a sucker for a water bottle. it is true that i can always be found trying different ones and spending hundreds over the years on water bottles because the last one i bought didn't seem good enough. so far i am enjoying my Kor One. the only thing that's weird is the lid is rather big and tends to annoy me when i drink it front on. i will need to get into the habit of drinking with the lid to the side , meaning I'm actually drinking out of the side of the bottle and not the front. it will take some getting used to but overall the spout is uber comfy and smooth, it has a very generous sized opening so you are getting a good amount of water flow. the colours are good. the price is reasonable even to the point of me going to order a couple more over the next few weeks as i really want to try drink 3 litres of water a day and see if it helps.
they can be bought from http://www.korwater.com.au



I also wanted to  reflect on my weight loss. During this journey i have felt it going really slowly,  even when the cm's lost are right there in front of me i tend to still be impatient. Today it seems like all of a sudden i can tell. The way my shape is changing, that my breasts are shrinking . That in itself is no easy task, i have wanted my breasts back down to an E cup for years ,, even a DD would be good for my back, but then the tart in me says nooooooo Damian loves them what will he think when they are smaller?  I'm thinking he probably won't really care because he is enjoying the benefits of me losing the weight.
7kg , you think it would be alot wouldn't you ? but compared to someone who already weighs, 80kg, then them losing 7 would be a oh wow look at you moment.. when you start at 103 then 7kg  is not much more than a ripple in a pond. i have a long way to go on my journey, I'm almost a quarter of the way there.  So now it is that i notice a few things, my face i think is smaller, my measurements are smaller  and now i feel my breasts are shrinking. While i was exercsising this morning i had to stop and readjust my puppies, tightening up my shoulder straps on my bra and constantly fiddling,  As i was jumping around and jogging i could feel my breasts jostling like  little roller derby players inside my bra cup.
It made me chuckle when i told mum, gosh they feel like they are inside a hollow ball being thrown around  all over the place screaming and trying to clutch to the sides. :) i even gave her a demo.
So it is with mixed emotions that my wonderfully bountiful Tata's are disappearing. yay to new sexier bras though, i have to keep looking to that. I suppose when they are all empty and hanging off my chest like a potato sack with only one tater in it i will be able to roll them up and plop them into a sexier bra. They may need a little extra taping in by then but at least i will be skinnier. i will just have to make sure i am never caught in heavy winds whilst topless , I'm thinking a good gust will pick these babies up and have them blowing back over my shoulder possibly into my face.

i can feel the muscle tone in my legs, as for my tummy, well i can tell its smaller, i can look down and not see tummy bulging out past my boobs but i still have so damned far to go.

I think my confidence may be boosting a little in the romance department as i feel a little more  desirable as i go on, this in itself with spur me on, that and the kids giving me so much encouragement is helping me in many ways. Even Tatjahna giving me the occasional shoulder rub is helping me be able to function better the day after toning.
I am going to try harder this week with food, and see what kind of results i get next week.

fitness test week 4 results

Today was my fitness test, i gave myself the week of workouts to get my fitness up a Little after being sick for those 2 weeks.  having only managed the week and a half of exercise before i got sick meant i was not going to get anything in the fitness test. so this week i worked my ass off,  pushing my body past what i was thinking it could do. i was doing actual jumping jacks, i have not jumped in years, if there was a snake under my feet , i ain't jumping, i will  yelp but i wouldn't jump, lately i have been lifting my body up off that floor and jumping, albeit a little awkward looking but jumping just the same.

 Today i did a ten minute warm up, it started  as a walking thing but in three minutes it became me entertaining two of my kids and mum with some rather excitable jazz hand dancing. i was getting a little carried away though and had to pull myself in check when my heart rate was hitting too close to 180.  i managed to blitz my 1km by 3 minutes, mainly due to the fact that the first time i was walking it as fast as i could, to actually jog/running some this time. i did better with all my times , over doubling and tripling some. my flexibility is still crap  but i blame my bad back for the reach thing, maybe it will loosen but I'm not going to be angry because of a little flexibility problem,  not when the rest of me is doing so much better.  I burned 401 calories today, which  is not something that happens for me.  i want to hibernate for a while but at least i got my workout and fitness test done... i   cant wait to see what happens to  next weeks weigh in. *fingers crossed 

I don't even want to imagine what it must have looked like for mum, who was running behind me, she has  always been a runner but i just look like a fat chick trying to escape. when i run my form is crap , i really do look like someone who is running and they hit a downward slope and they spend the rest of the run trying not to fall, so they have arms all flailing and such. 

not only have i lost the  gain from last week, and 26cm overall, i have managed to go from a 10+ min walk to a 7+ run/jog/walk for my kilometre. 

i did  76 push ups instead of the 25 i started at 4 weeks ago. i managed a 1.59 minute plank over  my 45 second one.  i doubled my wall sit,  and i felt great... next time I'm going to be tougher on myself and do my plank on my toes.

 I'm looking forward to seeing what i can do in 4 weeks time and how much i can change my body. 

weigh in week 4

I'm so knackered right now that this will be a quick blog, i think my vertigo is playing up a little as my eyes don't want to focus. i will close them and go meditate as soon as i have done this post. 

 weigh in sucked hairy nads this morning, i  did the usual prep and got on scales and boom up 600 grams dammit.  its going to be OK, i have come to the realisation I'm not working my food hard enough.  i am going to reassess my food, get back on the menu plan, substitute flavours i don't like and just take the time to get this right, i lost more weight pre season than i am now, its time to start diarising again.  and making myself extremely accountable for my actions. 

absolutely has to be no more dark chocolate either. 
I'm about to go through my new shopping list and get this party started. 

on a lighter note, i have lost an overall of 26cm , awesome stuff isn't it.  i really pushed my cardio today, the one thing i wasn't ready for was how my body would cope with star jumps, oh boy that must have looked completely hilarious from mums view. 
Gayle jumps, then there is a beautiful mexican wave of body fat  almost hard enough to snap the head off a snake. 
 the momentum was this, feet leave floor, *slow motion shot, thighs vibrate the energy force hits my tummy it lifts and heads up in a wave to my breasts , the motion is carried onwards and upwards to make my breasts rise up almost out of my top to just nudge under my chin, my chin then undulates to my cheeks which still lift up to momentarily cover my eyes before all thumping back down. 

so that was my first round of 20 jumping jacks, the next two rounds were done with me holding my tummy with one arms and my boobs with another. at least my legs were jumping.i will add some pics of my over worked self, i feel i may have over done it a touch today as i went to get up and my body didn't want to hold my weight yet , oops , maybe i will just put my feet up here for a moment.... i really did give it 110 percent today... I'm here to tell you this shit has gotten real man  and i am not holding back and if my body wants to argue with me its going to lose. I'm the one in control here.

 I think i broke us :)

Now i have to drag my sorry ass into my housework, it tends to get a little neglected when I'm working my body hard...maybe  my reward for a milestone at some stage will be  getting someone in to clean my house and i go get a massage ,,,,, yer that's sounding pretty good to me. 




Oh just quickly i needed to and how much this program has given mum and i back our relationship. there was a long time of us not being able to do things together for one reason or another, yet we are doing this journey and its been awesome, my mum and i get to spend time together, get to laugh with and at each other and we get to lose weight and get fitter.  im very grateful for this opportunity we have as  family life is precious. 

First workout after illness

Anyone know CPR?  Today was my first workout after my illness, in total i missed  9 workouts while sick, but i did manage a few minutes cycling a few days ago. Today i did my  workout with my mum, it was my day 1 of week 4 and due to being unwell i will do my fitness test  on Fri or Sat to give my poor lungs a chance to get used to all this again. 

I looked at the workout and nearly keeled over any way , holy snappers, i see  they are sneaking a few extras in as the time goes on, not fun catching up after missing week threes days. Mum and i decided we would step out all the workouts and take it easy to see how i go. I have still got alot of congestion so exercise is a little harder at the moment, plus you have no idea how unfit i became in those 9 days. I just wanted to stand still and get someone else to move my body bits for me. Jumping Jacks, really? that's just not even funny, neither was the  sight of me , hand clamped over my boobs, trying to tame them while i jumped, not wearing my training bra was a mistake. I decided to do an alternate exercise for that and  was rather pleased as it was very similar. next time i will do the bloomin jumping jacks. i know if i had not been sick for so long i would have been able to  get better mini milestone results, i will do all that measure etc on Friday as i mentioned before,  i still have 2 more milstones to  reach so i need to not be harsh on myself. I was super excited to have found my  workout gloves, i always feel stronger wearing them while sweating like a baboon in heat. Then i forgot to wear them, so i thought i would get a pic with them on, but they didnt feel right

 where the hell did my little finger go? and where is the other hole any way?

i looked them over to see what happened as they seemed normal enough, 

Look what i found, see that? halfway up my finger that tiny hole? thats where the other finger hole snuck to. 

 This is how they are supposed to look, and they are the most comfortable pair i have owned,  strong , protective and yet still flexible. 

I  did test out my  sweat band, i was suitably impressed.

I noticed how very 80's i looked today haha i realised today that i will need some new workout tunes so i will find the forum thread where everyone was adding song names and get myself a bit of a list, i want to make my new playlist mum friendly, i don't think she likes some of my workout tunes lol. Well I'm just glad to be back on the track of my journey, Oh wow i missed the endorphins from the exercise. I have a feeling that Damian is noticing changes in my body too, i see him checking me over every now and then , and when he hugs me , his hands are doing a bit more exploring these days lol. I'm hoping hes thinking ," mmmm there seems to be alot less braille on her ass now"  or " woh my hands didn't notice the old corrugated back she had"  I just need to keep an eye on my breasts, weight loss will cause a problem if they get emptier,  when i lay on my back my boobs slides over to the side and become my armpits.... I'm noticing quite a few changes now and it makes me more determined to work harder. Just after i have this little granny nap on my office chair, oh  OK OK  i do have dishes to get washed, but then they can wait for an hour surely.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

some memories are with us forever

I was writing a post int the 12wbt forums today  about tattoos, yes i have 2 of them , and they are full of sentiment to me, one being for my sister. She passed away  when just 8 days old, i was 6 years old.  i will show the pics and then i will get on with why I'm bloggerating today.

 the top pic is my first, for my sister, and was when i was 31

 the second on my  rather too thick leg, is for my kids and has all their names on it,

 the only thing I'm missing is my parents ,i had decided no more tatts but i may  add a little something for them, Anyway, as i was saying before, these tatts got me thinking about my sister and how things in life go.
I still remember being excited about having a  little brother or sister, i remember seeing baby items in mums room, for some reason i think it was a caravan  , I'm not sure if that's so. I remember going to the hospital  and not seeing  my new sister.

then it was like there was nothing for many years, no mention of her, no  real knowledge of what happened till i was older. I just knew that my sister didn't make it.
This was to be my childhood and adult life memory. even as i grew up i had many ifs. My mum never had any more children, It was just me, I'm wondering if it would have made a difference to my life if she either had another child ,  or is i didn't even remember she once existed.

I was often sad as a child , even sometimes now, still, after all these years its crazy.
 When i had no one to play with , when other kids talked of their siblings. when i had my first child and then became a single mum thinking she was all i would have. I wondered all these things.
If she had lived would i have been a good sister?, would we have had a good bond,? would i have suffered the separation anxiety i had when younger.?

I often fret about my future loneliness if i lose my parents. How will i cope on my own? I have wonderful step sisters, they are amazing women , but it still isn't quite like a blood sibling. even having half siblings  doesn't ease the worry when i have not spent more than a day in 37 years with any of them.

I wonder if this led to any of my irresponsible eating?
Loneliness was a terrible thing as a kid, i even used to play monopoly with my German shepherd i was so bored.
I still remember the little box of ashes my mum had in her wardrobe, the ashes i avoided, i knew how it all affected my mum,  and then in turn affected me. I still remember a callous family member asking me"so what was it like to have your sister die?"  I didn't even dignify that with a response, as i knew she was just trying to upset me..
When i had my 5 kids and people look at me like I'm crazy i just smile, my kids wont be lonely,  they will always have at least one other sibling they are willing to talk to lol.

I am not sure i ever will let go of that feeling i grew up with, even knowing that Alana had severe disabilities doesn't sink in. i have heard people say it was for the best with her as she would not have had any kind of life.  You cannot convince a child that loses a sister that  it was better off.  Even as i type this my eyes tear up. To  people who also have lost children and siblings  i see so many different reactions. some don't seem to take it on board emotionally as they already had a big family, or it happened before they were born and i think its fine how anyone decides to treat it. I felt like i had been robbed of a possibly stronger personality.
I  wasted too many years wishing for a brother or sister.  I need to try change those thoughts and be thankful for being alive and living  my life and giving my kids a life too.  My journey with 12wbt  will help me  to become stronger of mind and spirit and definitely body...

When my oldest daughter had her car accident in December last year, i felt the most incredible pain upon seeing her in her coma and realising just how close i came to losing her. This made me grab my family close and made me determined to get myself fitter and healthier and be there for  them for as long as i can.  If only i can get them to all stop trying to kill each other my family would feel complete.

Sorry for such a downer of a post. you gotta acknowledge the good in your life as well as the bad.
I love my mum for the pain she went through  and the sacrifice she made  when she met my dad and he couldn't father more kids.  shes one hell of a lady xxxxx  Also to my dad who raised me as his own and gave me  a chance to see what it was like to have a loving dad.