Thursday 31 January 2013

mummy the kids at school say your'e fat.

January 5th 2013,
The day my life was going to change forever.
The beginning of a new me, a journey to see how much power i have over my own destiny. That includes me rewriting my original blog and probably not getting it anything like the first one, all because i accidentally edited over it and lost the lot. It's OK i still have the photos, and i will do my best to get back to what i was originally talking about. I just hope its still enjoyable for you to read.



This post was mostly about me and my weight wars over the years, you see i wasn't a fat kid, i didn't have a flat stomach but i wasn't overweight, i looked awesome in my teens, large breasts tiny waist all that lucky stuff.



As you can see from this pic, i used to be small once :)

This is me at 13 with my dad. He's the best dad ever.
 heyyyy come on it was the 80's and also 88 which was like a double 80's hit so my clothes were cool back then. 
I didn't get to enjoy the wonderful figure i had because i was an early starter, was engaged at 17, and a mum by 18. thought i was going to be with him forever,  *lols at my sweet virginal naive self

So begins my love hate relationship with my body. 

By the time Kahlyssa was born i would have been over 100kg, i didn't weigh myself much but i know i put heaps of weight on after her birth , more so than during the pregnancy. i remember trying a short stint on Jenny Craig  in 1993 but the food tasted terrible back then. I stopped after a week as it was ridiculously expensive. 

i didn't have many pics of that time on me  but i promise when i do come across one and i know there are some floating around i will add it, even in all its hideousness. 
Because i didn't have a car, and was to find myself  a single mum by the time she was 5 months old, i had to walk alot. I took her with me everywhere and soon i was looking better than i had in years.


um yes i did smoke when i was younger .. tsk tsk, been ten years without one so yayyy.  top right , is me with kahlyssa, and i always seemed to be wearing those kind of shoes, no wonder my legs suffer now., the middle pic is me at 21, with my husky kasha. and the bottom left i was about 20.  

so i managed to do ok after her birth and  eventually i married and later divorced (phew)  by the time kahlyssa was 5 i had my second girl Tatjahna. this time i didnt put on as much weight  during the pregnancy as i was working, and the same after she was born i was always  running around at work or doing alot of walking.


it still took me quite a while to lose the excess, but i dont think i was as big as i had been. This pic is of me with Tatjahna, and her little dress i made her. a dress i think she only wore once cause i almost had to sew her in it, oh well. those moments when you underestimate the size of your kids . while the kids were young i did alot of singing and fundraising with my mum for various organisations. 

thats me in the maroon dress, and mum is the naughty elf beside me , oh boy we made a great team. and funny, we really were a pair of funny old crows.  so my weight here was probably around 80kg,  and i was to get down to 74kg, thats what i weighed at the gym, mum and i used to go every day, it helped us for our singing that we were fit and all that jazz, we used to do clogging too, its a form of dance not wearing wooden clogs)  so i was pretty active for a mum of 2. 
this is me on stage having myself a little sing song in an outfit i made cause i couldnt afford to buy new clothes. So i was feeling pretty hot about now, again finding myself as a single mum this time with two littlies. then i met someone. i was careful and on the pill but had a cyst burst on my ovaries, seems the pill and i didnt like each other and boom, hello twins. I was excited  to  be having twins, but i knew what was to come with weight, but most women having twins didnt get too big, did they? i mean they usually are premmy and very small and as im only 161cm tall i figured nature would take care of me and not stretch me out too far....
here i am 22 weeks preggers with the twins and see? im not too big, this is a good sign......................


 yer right gayle, i gave birth to two healthy babies naturally  on 27th of July 2004. four weeks premmy... my  first son Ewan was  8 pound 3 and his sister Dakotah was a wee delicate flower at 6 pound 11
the following pictures were taken a month before their arrival. around the time i had to live with my mum due to  the inability to be able to walk properly or even breath  without restriction.

look at that thing,  thats just not human  i felt like a massive cow, so you  can imagine where that stretched skin is going to fit after weight loss. 
So here i was in need of losing weight again. the twins tipped me well and truly over 100kg and after they were born i was so full of fluid that my doctor  put me on lasix for a week and i lost a whopping ten kilos thats got to be some kind of record. i was down to 90kg but then i was living off the easiest to eat foods available. my body was so tired and achey and i was just getting bigger. 

Welcome Hashimotos disease. Another loving gift from my twinnies. This means a lifetime of medication and an even harder time at losing the kg's.
i ended up gaining 5kg and within two years  and was 95kg when i fell pregnant with connor, yes i was on the pill again, and  going to the gym. this means i have fallen pregnant  every time i have joined the gym. so you will notice my weight loss journey and exercise is being done from home , there is something not quite right with the gym and me. i mean damn, 5 kids and everyone of them i was at the gym. how the hell can i even be sure these kids are even mine? :)
this was me at the twins first birthday.  i was still at this size when i fell pregnant with Connor.  i will be honest when  i did the wee on the stick thing and saw the little stick pointing and laughing at me  all i could think of was noooo not now, not while I'm this big , i will end up massive. i felt terrible, i cried immediately and cried for 2 weeks later. it wasn't the baby that bothered me , it was the weight . i didn't want to get even bigger , i had too much to lose already.

I couldn't stop what was happening but i made sure i didn't go overboard with my eating , and when Connor was born i hung around the hundred mark, peaking at 107kg . wtf??/? yes that would be the heaviest i had ever been. 

Little Connor and his mum who of course is chowing down.  i still didn't bother trying to lose too much weight at this stage as i was crazy busy with 5 kids and a now alcoholic boyfriend. there was  trouble  on the horizon for my relationship as he drank more and i ate more to cope . 

this next picture was the one that actually horrified me enough that i went to Jenny Craig.
what the hell was i doing to myself. i walked in and joined and lost alot of weight, then money ran out , i didn't get a chance to learn how to eat my own foods so after  getting  down to 87kg ,  i was left to my own devises. I felt great though, i had my mojo back. My relationship had ended  after almost 10 years. and i was free to do what i chose, to take my own journey. My relationship had been a very stressful one, living with an alcoholic is a nightmare. 

i was able to wear cute clothes again and express my inner self outwardly  and i made sure i did this every day. it made me feel better to wear makeup and dress up. 


look at me go lol, yer i hide my face in these two pics, i was still never comfortable with having my full length photographed so my face was always a little weird. 

I really loved my voluptuous new me ,  and loved that i was small enough to  wear my lusty busty bar wench corsets. Don't worry i will get small enough to wear them again i promise. 

what a little poser i was. 

then the shite hit the fan. i was single and able to do as i chose so what did i chose to do???????? i freaking ate . i made food my ultimate pleasure. nothing felt as good as sitting on my bed, laptop on a good DVD , and take out food surrounding me on the bed. ice cream,  chips, soft drink, omg McDonald's mcflurrys  they were so so so good, yes yes , i know  the calories  in them are redonkulous but i loved them, they made me happy , they were my preciossssssssssssss.


sorry
um anyway, this leads me to where i am now. i noticed a change in my weight, creeping back up,  my chins getting bigger.


that chick in the middle with the black skirt and kids in tow... you know the one with the bedonkedonk growing.. that's me . the beginning of the ass spread was evident here. 
the top pic clearly emphasising the chin reformation like it was a final concert of the rolling stones or something.  my cheeks getting fuller, but did it stop me , no it didn't, not at all , i still loved to rape a jar of nutella with my spoon as often as i could. 

hence the pics no longer had any body showing, i was reverting to just head shots, i loved this pic though as it was taken by kahlyssa,  who is now 19.  so its a special pic  and i don't look too bad for an old fat duck lol

so now it is time to face the music, a car accident three years ago left me with back and neck damage, meaning i suffer daily with vertigo in one form or another and i had to stop going to the gym because i was embarrassed in case i fell over, i also had trouble with using my upper body as it made my neck stiffen up and the spins would start. i became  lazy, and was still eating too much crap. not exercising at all and just using every excuse i could to get away with it. 

so here i am today, i started this journey with my fellow 12wbt members at a whopping ( wait !Damian's behind me i will type my weight when he leaves the room lol)....

OK hes gone fore a drive, I started on the 5th of January 2013 at a gruesome 103kg. and as of this day i am down to 98.5kg. 

i will post some pics in a moment but i wanted to enlighten you on why i finally seem to have my shit together with weight loss. 
My daughter had to defend me at school, when the kids said i was fat, she was most annoyed and told them it just wasn't true.My youngest son asked why  the bottom of my legs were so big. i lovingly explained that they were calf muscles and how men wished they had calves like mine... this made me really notice a few things. my kids were starting to be affected, i had managed to teach my second eldest daughter bad eating habits and she was now wayyyyy over weight.  and my new boyfriend who was my best friend for over 2 years , he deserved a woman with a rocking bod  because he has a beautiful body ,  and he looks after himself well . he has respect for his body. It was time i too had respect for my body, time i gave him a firm ass to slap when he walked past and not an ass that tried to swallow his hand and would then jiggle for 20 minutes after the initial slap. 


you will notice the change in my hair and lack of make up these days, that is because damian has made me see that i don't need to cover my face in spac filler to be beautiful as he sees the real me  that way. plus , as im getting greyer in the hair i decided to head towards my 40's with longer lighter hair and  see if blondes really do have more fun. 
i look happy don't i , but i assure you when the camera came out i was horrified but as a keen fisherman i wanted a photo of my first catch .  mum saw the pic and asked me if i was actually wearing a bra. gee thanks mum, yes i was but  they are so bloody heavy they decided to head down south a little . 

OK here the brutal truth in photo form., the left was my first day signing up, 103kg, and not looking to happy about doing a selfie.  the right hand pic i took yesterday and am 98.5kg.  i decided to pose this way so i can see better what is getting smaller. i wanted to see my tuck shop lady arms disappear.  so i will take all my future shots in this pose too. or something similar. 
my exercises so far has been cycling as i find i can handle the stationary bike well enough for my vertigo, but i also have my Aero pilates machine, gym ball, bosu ball,  dumbells ( they didn't having any smart ones left) and my DVDs  ready to give it my best shot. Damian also bought me a new copy of wii fit plus, i used to love that game , well now i can add that to my exercise routine.


come on peddle you big bitch , lol,  i manage to get 20kms now, some days i don't,  others i do, as long as I'm getting on there and trying that's what matters. 
January 5th 2013 is also the date i joined Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation round 1.  already i have seen a loss of weight that i will pray continues. i have already learnt alot about how i got to be this way , and how hard i will fight to get myself back on track.


well its time for me to get some cleaning done. i also want to clean my wii fit balance board and have a play. 
you are more than welcome to follow me on my journey and this time i have backed up all my posts so i don't lose it again. i apologise if this post isn't as good as the original i accidentally edited over. 

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