Friday 3 May 2013

Dear old pre 12wbt Gayle

Hi, its me , the future you , the one who decided that enough was enough and she needed to join 12wbt.
How are you ? , well i dont know why i am asking that really because i actually know, i saw a photo of you today, well i saw a few photos of you , You were not really smiling in any of them, you look miserable, you look lonely and like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, it is going  to be ok,  I promise i have got your back. I am not going to let you down any more. 
I see your eyes in your photo and you look lost, you have so many worries inside you and i know they are real in your mind. You worry about your kids, and what will happen if you die, no wait, i remember you saying , "when "you die cause you didnt believe someone with your problems could live for very long. A little dramatic i think but with the way you were living , i am understanding of why you would think that. 
You are not going to die, at least not by neglect  any more, i know you will find your inner strength, i know you will find something deep inside you that will make you a fighter and want to be like those women you see getting stronger. I can hear you now wishing for a miracle , but you need to make that miracle happen, you need to do the hard yards yourself, you will not be alone, i will be there with you , im the one you hear deep inside you , cheering you on and reminding you every day that there are reasons you need to keep doing this. 
I am  the one who loves you more than you realise, its just that life tried to pull you down and you forgot. 
i will hold your hand through this, and we will walk through the finish line together , and we will spend the rest of our lives getting stronger and living, yup i said it , Living. Hang in there, I will bewaiting :) xxoo your future self