the man behind the woman

OK the kids are watching TV so its time to add to my blogathon., 
I just finished making the yummiest dinner , some lean lamb mince, julienned carrots, onion, capsicum and celery stir fried, tossed with some udon noodles,  then lovingly molested by  a sauce of tomato sauce, a drizzle of soy sauce and a table spoon of sour cream, a teaspoon of garlic and a teaspoon of BBQ seasoning. It was absolutely scrumdiddlyumptious. 

No this blog isn't meant to be about what i just ate for dinner , but it was just so good, i only got a small portion and i wrapped up Damian's and put it in the fridge as he fell asleep. i better muster that will power again to avoid diving in and gnawing on his  food. 

Speaking of  Damian, he is the reason for this post. You see the story goes like this. Damian and i  became friends, soon to be best friends, then bestest friends forever kind of friends :)  then friends with benefits ( stop reading now mum , lol)  This was a hard situation to be in as i had to stand back and pretend it didn't matter when he dated others. the fact it tore my heart out made me eat more comfort food. you would be surprised at how comforting it is to rug up in bed with some chocolate and some ice cream and soft drink. This is usually where i ended up when my heart would break wishing he would want to date me. we spent most of our time together, chatting, playing poker, fishing, even going camping. 
 Camping with Damo  wasn't what i expected, it involved rowing a canoe across a wide river and around an island in the middle of the river, yup smack bang in the middle, a small ,very small island. this is the same river that had flooded  a year before so i was rather scaredy cat. 

By this time i was well and truly in love with my best friend, not a great place to be though , he wasnt interested in dating me *rolls eyes. 

so i was just going to have to be patient. Anywhoo, camping, canoeing and  all the things i was not used to, but always wanted to do., these are the things damian introduced me to. The thing that worried me,  was letting Damo down, i was embarrassed, worrying if my big ass would sink the canoe, then also worried my useless unfit arms wouldn't be able to keep up the rowing efforts for that long without my  vertigo ruining my camping trip.

we got the canoe packed and ready to go, 

this is a photo of the actual way the canoe looked, i was seriously shitting myself . Damo was siting in back to control the beast so i knew he would get a rather hideous view of my fat ass as i got in, with as much grace as a new born baby elephant i might add. This was a scary thing for me,Damo watching my ass wobble around while i tried to get into the canoe with  the same confidence he used,  as i knew that Damo was usually only attracted to sporty girls. That's one thing i could not be called at the time. i was more the before photo of the said sporty girls.

Even knowing he liked his women to be sporty and  this and that, i was sure that he was  ticking most of those boxes with me , there was just a few issues that stopped us being together, I really needed to start looking after myself better if i wanted to snare this mans heart. 

 The camping trip was awesome.
I picked the tent :) nice and cosy isn't it? looks like we might need to sleep closer together ( wink wink , nudge nudge)

It was a stepping stone to my love of fishing and outdoors now, except on a really hot day. and not when its raining, and only if i can sit if we will be a long long time, and have sunscreen on and a hat and plenty of water , and snacks, yer what about snacks , you need them too when you are outside, and closed shoes, cause of snakes, theres snakes you know. and don't forget the insect repellent (damo doesn't like it cause the smell scares the fish away) , Maybe its safer if i stay home ... 

No.. that's what this is all about , this journey , to get me out of my comfort zone and make me live , not just simply exist. That's why I'm blabbing on about Damian at the moment. He has  helped me grow as a woman and a mother and a friend, all with his gentle patience, his understanding, and the fact that we cannot seem to live without each other  any more. 
So where was i?  Yes that's it!!  Damian and i would often go fishing too, not always catching fish, but loving the quiet and me especially loving the view :)

I mean look how good the water looks :)
This seemed to be the only place i could spend time with Damian without the constant disruption of the kids, and having 5 kids sure is scary, so much so that it was a factor in Damian and i remaining "friends" for as long as we did. *sigh. 
Two peas in a pod... bestest buddies

Over time i learnt alot about myself but still didn't do anything about my weight, it would constantly be on my mind. I wanted to look good and feel great, i wanted to be like a siren luring the man i loved into my fold... sadly the amount of folds i have would smother the crap out of him and all would be lost, except the weight , * sigh again . 

In the end i just continued to think of how great Damian and i would be together, how well we got on 

Gee wizz i have a big mouth, Damo left, me right , my oldest daughter in the back.  I knew from experience that he was a great dad, he has two really great daughters that i know he adores. that's a good sign in my books. when he was around my kids he didn't roll up in a ball and cry when they were loud. he didn't run like hell arms flailing. he involved them in things, taught them things, showed them his man sized toys,  remote controlled boats , that he made, ( he actually made the canoe we used too , *sigh hes so smart) 

He was patient and caring with me too, constantly resisting my feminine charms and uber seductive ways ;)
 i thought we looked great together , then i saw a photo of us together , probably the first real pic  we had together, still as bestest mates.

I thought i looked great that night. then i saw this photo, oh my, look at those arms ,those chesticles, how did i get to this size without really noticing?   Damian is very fit and strong, even more so now than when we met. he really looks after himself, doesn't eat sweets  loves all the good healthy foods. 

After knowing him as long as i have ,( almost 3 years) you would think this would have rubbed off on me before, but it didn't ,cause like i said , i would end up miserable when i would nudge the discussion towards us  possibly dating and he would back away slowly .  then it would be food time for Gayle. its sad to think that i got more pleasure from a night alone without the kiddies, a movie in the DVD player, some Chinese food, a tub of macadamia ice cream and a couple of choccy bars and a bottle of lemonade. i would snuggle in bed with my food , my tissues and my movie and ponder life's unfairities ( i think i just made that word up)

Being Damian's best friend was awesome, even when he got bogged and i got covered in stinky rotten mud. 
i knew we would be good together , i knew that if he was this sweet to me and his bestie, imagine how much better he would be if he was a boyfriend, would i ever get to find out?  It turns out that it was close. :) woohooo

we spent more weekend together , more fishing

look what i caught :) 


and more drives to beaches for some quiet  and four wheel driving. Damian always knew what was needed and what we were to do , he was also very good at carrying things,

by the way , he doesn't smoke, that's a lollipop in his mouth :)" yer we are so tough we eat lollipops when we go to the beach. no wonder the people who drove past us had a second look. 

Time moved forward and we started to go on little "dates". Breakfast at a lovely  cafe.  fishing trips,  playing guitar cause he knew i loved hearing it,

our time together was changing, my mind set was changing, i wanted to be perfect for him as he was making every effort to be that way for me. I had no idea how to do it, how to get off my ass, stop worrying about the effects on my vertigo and do something about my weight. 
I knew Damian was not going to ask me to do it, hes not an ass like that ( all the time ) by now i knew he loved me , and we were going to be together , yippeeeeee, after waiting so so long i finally had my man :)  
what a team we were going to make. As time together moved on , and we got closer and i saw just how genuine he is, how much he cares about how i feel and about our future , i also realised that i wanted more for him,  i saw his body changing from working so hard, his muscles getting tighter and  stronger, i was so  very lucky to have the chance to be with a man that  was the way he was. 

He looked after me in many ways as i did him, we complimented each others personalities. He deserved better, he deserved a woman that looked after herself, exercised and wasn't obese.  He deserved to feel a strong firm body against his and not have a woman so embarrassed about her body she sleeps in clothes. I love this man totally and completely for all that he is and does. and a part of my  journey is dedicated to him. 
Some of my motivation is because of my need to give him what he deserves, a strong, healthy , sporty woman by his side..... i intend on giving him that. He now knows my journey has started and hes very proud, he even said so. He is in fact , paying for my 12wbt. 

He believes in me and he sees changes in me all round that makes him happy, this also makes me happy and his support has been amazing. Hes not making fun of my efforts no matter how small they are, I'm no longer shy about exercising  near him. He doesn't freak out that i want to buy a polar ft60 or a bunch of recipe books. 
He quite simply is helping me achieve my goals by making me believe i can do it. and encouraging me with praise and recognition for my efforts. 
Hes my personal trainer without even realising it, and the thought of having a girlfriend with an awesome body probably crosses his mind often.

This beautiful man helped me start my journey ,  He will also be there to keep me on my path. Hopefully one day he will do that as my husband. Yer i know I'm pushing my luck there lol it took me over 2 years to get him to even be my boyfriend. 

thanks for reading, and hanging around long enough to read these parts too,  and this little bit more typing here. I will be filling you in on all of my little family and the roles they play in my life's decision to better myself physically and emotionally . Ciao for now.