Monday, 1 September 2014

Amazing what can happen in a year

When i left off i had been helping my step sister and trying to get stuck into my 12wbt to get back on track , building my strength slowly after the muscle weakness and burnout i caused myself. During my last round of 12wbt i started getting very tired and feeling headachey and unwell, i went to the chemist for some supplies and returned home, i figured i would do a pregnancy, yes you read that right, a pregnancy test to at least illiminate that prior to making an appointment.

those three minutes you have to wait for the answer,  didnt need to be waited, as within moments i could clearly see the two lines that would throw me in a spin. To say i was shocked was an understatement, yes i cried..... alot. How on earth was this happeneing.. well , i know how it hapens, when a mummy and a daddy love each other etc. I was not supposed to be ovulating according to my doctor so a baby was a surprise that i warmed to quickly. i did however mourn for my hard work and weight loss. nooooo!!!! I know i will put it all back on.

Scans put my due date at June 2nd 2014.. Let the games begin, so many things were going through my emotions list. Excitement, embarrassment, fear, just to name a few. embarrassment that i was an "older" mum. i felt old too,  morning sickness ended my training rather too quickly, fatigue meant  i was not likely to be resuming heavy exercise any time soon. To be honest i was so knackered and achey i had a hard enough time getting through my daily household work let alone donning ass chaffing spandex and lapping the neighbourhood. my pregnancy progressed fast , or it seemed like that.  the weight issue caused me great stress, no matter how i tried i managed to pile on all my lost weight. i couldnt look at myself oin the mirror towards the end without feeling defeated. I remember one of my antinatal visits the midwife was rather rude, one , about the fact this was baby 6, asking me why i didnt have my tubes tied already and lecturing me on the fact that i missed an appointment to have an IUD inserted years ago. i looked her square in her orbital pits and  told her that i should not have been given an appointment as i had told my GP that i was not interested in any of their fake hormones as i had enough trouble with them due to my thyroid. Secondly she informed me that i should watch my diet, if my BMI got over 50 i would need to birth in Brisbane. well slap me down with a soggy fish, i was nowhere near that BMI and had no intentions of getting there either the callous woman
Yes i went home and cried, i did that often , bloody pregnancy hormones.  I later found out that i had Gestation Diabetes and had to watch my diet closely and take tablets. In the end, i was put on insulin injections. this was horrible for me as i am seriously not ever a person that can inject themselves. i cried for 30 minutes trying to get  the nerve to do it the first time. My biggest hurdle came when i was heading for my last 4 weeks, On April 27th 2014, i woke just on 6 for my 5th toilet trip for that night and got back into bed after. It was then i felt my headache start, from the back of my neck up and around my head, so fast and painful, my neck hurt to look down and the lights were so frustrating and irritated me. somthing was not right. i took some panadol and it did nothing, i told Damian to get me ot the hospital fast or i was calling an ambulance as something was not right.
I got into the hospital and was seen really quickly , cat scans were done twice,  and a lumbar puncture. they suspected a brain bleed. the results showed i had blood in my spinal fluid so i was flown to the nearest big city 5 hours drive away . i was terrified, alone ( my mum was on holidays too and couldnt get to me). They rushed to get my kids to the hospital so i could say goodbye to them. I held them so so tight. was this the last time i was going to see them? i held them all so tight  told them all how much a adored them, gave  instructions to my oldest if the worst was to happen. we all held each other and cried while waiting for the  ambulance to come take me to the airport.
It was the scariest flight i have been on, they were taking me away from my  family and to a hospital   so far away  and my mum had no way of getting to me for at least 4 days. This made me feel even lonlier.  Damian made sure that i knew i was going to see them the next day as he was driving all 5 of my kids to Brisbane to be close to me.

Once in the ICU in the hospital i was cared for exceptionally well, mind you the drugs they give you are still potent enough to have me out of it. Because of the pregnancy there were tests they couldnt do and it only left me with an MRI. Oh my goodness those things are terrifying , i could feel my tummy touching the top of the tunnel and my arms touching the sides, i had to use all the powers of my meditation to not start screaming"Let me out of here".
They were happy witht he results at this stage but concerned about the delivery and didnt want me going through a normal labour as i had with my other children as any raising of my blood pressure would be possibly dangerous.

I was allowed to come back to my town for 10 days to allow my baby to grow more and was asked to go back at 37 and a half weeks gestation so they could induce me and  deliver my baby with Forceps as they didnt  want me pushing and i was to be given an epidural.  the delivery  i could write a whole post on but i wont bore you with that. it was 20 hours long and  they were so very reassurring  and helpful .

My new baby girl was born on May 15th at 37 and a half weeks, weighting 8 pound 1 ounces  her name is Lilianah may and shes a delight.

 the above pic is of my arm, after they had a hard time getting a cannula in it, i had 8 different cannulas over my hospital stays so my body was over it.
 I was racked with fluid too and somehow ended up with broken toes during the delivery , i can only assume its happened while i was numbed up and they were moving me around
 this is a pic of 4 of my older kiddies and Lilianah, top left dakotah, top right connor,  bottom left  ewan,  bottom right Kahlyssa
 The above pic is of out Lilianah May ,  and below is my belly  at 31 weeks
 my buddah belly just got bigger and bigger
 it didnt stay cute and basketball like for more than a few weeks

 below is bubby and i getting our snuggle on
 she is a delight and very much loved and very much worth everything i went through
 This little sweety will  be my offsider  during my weightloss walks  as i have a very long way to go again and it will not be easy. My thyroid is out of whack again meaning aches and fatigue. my vertigo is back with gusto due to constantly having tthe pressure on my neck and shoulders from holding her so often. my body aches and is so tired some days i dont even feel like i can move but i have to struggle through. I rejoined 12wbt and have messed up the first 4 weeks because my brain isnt in gear and im dissapointed in myself for not getting my ass into it. i have dont it before and i know how badly i need to do it again as i cannot stand being so big again. I will keep you posted on what happens and i now it will be very slow and steady but i need to get it happeneing. I need to be here to watch her grow, i need to be herre to guide her through her child rearing years. I want to be here for all that, i dont want my kids to be without my love. I am a very lucky woman  and i know this for sure and for the love of  my children i will do my best.
Thanks for reading guys i will hopefully find the time to be back more often as i always have something to say .

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Oh my where did the time go??

Hello to all my readers that think i feel off the side of the planet. I am still not entirely sure that i didnt to be honest, this past year has been a huge blur of activity that has kept me away from the time it takes to write a decent blog post, well now im here again, for whoever knows how long to reinstate my blog and fill you all in on my whereabouts and my whatsabouts, , whatsabouts meaning  what the heck i have been doing all this time. you will be totally amazed i promise.
I will be breaking my blog up into  many posts to fill you all in as it would make one incredibly large post to get it all in one and you all know how much it is i  like talking, so be prepared for all kinds of readings and dont forget to share me around and show me off to your friends.
i am going to have to have a flicp through my old posts so i can update you where i left off , so i will be back shortly with another post. xxx

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

why i am never going to be a cleaning lady

ok, heres the deal.... I am always cleaning my place, in fact some times im actually really anal about how clean it is. dirtiness really drags me down and grosses me out. i might also be a little OCD about germs. i can handle my families germs to s point, but im telling you if i have to clean someone elses mess that isnt my blood, and im going to be totally disgusted and desperate to scrub my body clean.

Heres a little moment of horror for me ,  firstly i will get the weight in results out of the way, i gained 200 grams but seeings that i am at TTOTM and have been seriously stock piling toilet deeds  for unknown reasons i am not concerned, I have also gotten back into my training , carefully not over doing it. 
This brings me to my tale ,  My Step sister had a friend in need,  someone who was to go on holidays for a couple of weeks and needed someone  to do some cleaning for her while she was away. My Stepsister would normally do this  but was not able to get a baby sitter.( in hindsight i should have said, "here let me look after bub while you help your friend") i never was good thinking on the go lol. Anyway  it was decided that i would help, i mean its only and hour and a half and  and i clean every day , , i can go at my own pace and will breeze through it...  I really can be naive sometimes , 

I was to sweep and mop the floors of many toilets and showers, why? because it was a backpackers hostel, noooooooooo.  some of these people have no respect for anything. what a huge shock to my delicate system. Now being a mother of 5 i am used to many gross things, i have been pooped on, whizzed on, vomited and bled on. You name it my kids have dealt it for me. I was not born with a cast iron stomach , so i often have a seriously  strange look on my face during these moments,, nostrils flared, face wincing like i can smell shite.  this is my usual omg  i see something really disgusting face. well I was wearing that face proudly today and i think they may have noticed. I am not sure if it started before i was emptying bins and vacuuming two flights of carpet and stairs, or after i swept up toilet paper cover in crap  and a used sanitary item big enough to float a small country on... ARRRR HELLL No

I,ts all true , for almost 2 hours i grimaced myself around the hostel, head down , headset playing my beats and a face like i smelled dog crap. 
I had no trouble from the few wondering backpackers that were there as  i think they were rather intimidated by the surly faced , mumbling middle aged chick , racing around like the road runner  tut tutting at their mess. 

They were keeping a cleared area around me at all times, no eye contact, im sure it must have looked like a scene out of mission impossible, me trudging around and them doing all they can to avoid any contact at all with my fury, shimmying down stairs, backs against walls sliding  back away from my direction screaming at each other to run for their lives. Indeed they should have, i have never been more disgusted in people as i was today. who  taught them to be so disrespectful to the place they are living , regardless of what its like. 

I will never in my life choose that as my employ. I was not built for it,  The constant conversations in my head to keep me going were crazy lol, my vertigo was aware of all the stairs so i shut it down as fast as i could, i kept my headset on, kept my eyes down and pushed forward, i have no idea how many stairs i went up and down but  i felt the burn , thats for sure.  As soon as i finished i lathered my hands and arms in antibacterial lotion and drove home, threw my clothes off and showered, i scrubbed myself top to bottom, i rang mum and told her i have been violated by airborne organisms, i swear there is a green spiral shaped germ up my nose multiplying as we speak.  I take my hat off to those that do this kind of work every day, you are real troopers , but after i have finished sitting in my corner rocking back and forth not sucking my thumbs i will happily tidy up my kids messes. bring on the chewing gum wads and the little cut up bits of paper, and the odd apple core.  You can keep your disease ridden backpacker germs thanks . 
I suppose the good thing was that i was  working so hard to get the hell out of there that i burned 600 cals , lol way to go.   

i have been doing quite a lot of rearranging and spring cleaning at home  and thought wow what a mess when i saw dust bunnies, i think i will take it easier on the kids from now on after what i saw today.. some things cannot be unseen,  Must go and cross off cleaner on my  jobs to try list... next, ahhhh , crocodile rustling.

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Picking myself up, Dusting myself off and pushing forward

hello to all my readers , yes I'm still alive :) it has been many weeks since i have bent your ear with my tales. I have a bit of a rough time trying to figure out what i was going to do with myself, i have had to make alot of changes to my lifestyle and diet because of my thyroid and the over exercising thing. It ended up making me feel scared to exercise in case it happened again. I have joined round 3 even though i only lost 4kg in round 4, i maintained my weight for a few weeks.  i started round 3 on  Monday   and have exercised well on those days, only this round i went back to the beginner level and have taken it slower with less push on the cardio. I'm even resting a little longer between the sets to help keep my heart rate lower . i get a stress reastion to exercise that causes me muscle problems so i am still in the baby phases of trying to get a hold on that and make it less of a thought process to do/ 
 I am now supposed to eat Gluten /soy/corn free as well and cruciferous veges are off my list, this makes things a lot more difficult than i had imagined as i loved my broccoli and lettuces. I also have to concentrate on keeping my blood sugars balanced all day to perform better so I'm learning this too. 

Lets hope i get  to keep losing weight  and soldiering on. I will tell you one thing though, not properly exercising for those weeks was terrible, i felt depressed, useless, anxious, scared of my own body. it was a terrible time.  Now that I'm back in to it my body is screaming at me with many aches and pains lol I'm damned if i do I'm damned if i dont. I'm about to make some gluten free toast, this will taste like cardboard no doubt. i think it sucks though how expensive gluten free foods are with so many people needing to eat it. on a good wicket those companies are, so I'm learning how to make do without the things i used to eat like that. 

I thought you might like some pics mum took of me stretching today , lol it isn't easy for me to do with all my aching bits, 

hahahahha  its not easy when someone says smile  while you are stretching. 

I wont bore you with the rest of my happenings just that  i have been busy with the making side of things. 
today was also first weigh in for round 3 and i was still at 88.9 which is good because on Monday i was 89.8 and nearly had a heart attack lol, i have also got myself a goal weight reward that's magnificent, and i have been making and selling beanies to help pay for it , i will show you all as it gets closer :)

Thursday, 4 July 2013

week what?

hi guys, wow i have been so absorbed in my own dramas that i dont even know what week im in of 12wbt, i think this is 8 leading into 9. you see i have had a very rough couple of weeks with my body being rather uncooperative and its very frustrating indeed, my weigh in on wednesday had me at 90.1kg, so so close again to those 80.s ,  
To explain what was happening to my body first though so you can understand my last couple of weeks.  for a week  i noticed i was really getting exhausted after training, these workouts were a killer to begin with , then i noticed that i had easily fatigues muscles and muscle vibrations all the time after that even when i stopped training for a week. this concerned me and my imagination was having a field day with my head. At first my doctor said that i just was over training  and to see if i improved when taking it easier,, nope it didnt and i was starting to get really scared, still am a bit as i havent gotten any results back yet. I just had my blood tests done today and wont get the results till monday. So i will not feel stress free till i get a good result.  I got on the scales this morning and am happily still losing weight even without my training. im actually losing more while not training, so i have a theory that  i have a bit of a habit of eating too much when training, It makes you super hungry when you work as hard as i was. This morning i was at 89.2kg. Im keeping my fingers crossed that i keep getting smaller. I have been really watching my food intake and will be testing my body with a clogging class tomorrow morning. I am a bit worried about it  , more so im scared that i will embarrass myself by not being able to dance for long, or by passing out or something.  That would be embarrassing for sure. 
I will write another post on monday night to tell you all what my results are from my blood tests. fingers crossed its just something i can correct easily. have a great weekend. i will be having a very quiet relaxing weekend , possibly a mini holiday. or not. lol depending on how i feel. 
Talk to you all soon. 

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

time to re-organise and re-measure everything

Well weigh in this week is as usual, i could crap more than i have lost lately. i am at 90.7kg now , so blooming close to that 89. i need to change something as this is getting too slow , there has to be a way to get my losses bigger, so i have decided to pick a few recipes that i will bulk make, measuring every step of the way, then i shall freeze them, i will also make little containers of my days snacks and  mentally train myself that  it is all i can  have through the day. 
I cant do much more with my training as i have really been exceptionally good training 6 days a week and getting more active over the weekends.  this weather being colder has also been affection my joints, my back and shoulder hands and knees are all hard to warm up in the mornings before a workout, so i will need to get some krill or omega three to try help out. 

So my shopping list is going to include some good freezable containers , 
lots of bok choy  and strirfry veges, 
i will be avoiding any breads as much as i can as i think they have been causing me trouble this week. 

I think i also need to have a fishing trip in case I'm lucky enough to catch this weeks fish supply. 

I have finally gotten myself a lovely little vege patch per se , Damian surprised me with a couple of awesome little portable vege beds, they are brilliant, and just the right height and size for growing my herbs and spinach and rocket and fancy lettuce. he got them for only $29.95 at bunnings. 

 He is such a sweetheart, he said he loves to help me with things that make my new life easier for me to maintain. i also had some big assed pots just sitting around doing nothing so i filled them with capsicums, beans and tomatoes.

I will be getting another vege patch  this week so i can have a whole range of veg going . 
The above pots have aloe vera, mint, basil and cos lettuce, and spring onion, 

 these two are of those handy garden beds from bunnings, in the top one i have lettuce, mixed and puk choy. with some spring onions and garlic chives.  The bottom one has spinach, rocket and bak choy
 these are my pots of beans and tomatoes, a little pot of garlic chives and two pots of capsicums. 
i might not get a huge yield but it will be something to be proud of , i will be growing some dwarf broccoli next as its the  most use vegetable by me as well , 

A week of changes this week in the hopes of tricking my body into some good losses. they say slow and steady wins the race but i swear this is a race that will take a very very long time. time to go and dig out my organic gardening books too. For now i am about to get my hooks out and crochet some kids beanies for the markets on the weekend. 

Monday, 24 June 2013

Muscle developments

Good morning , i thought i would sneak this post in while i wait for mum to get here for our killer workout . i want to be snuggled up in bed  where its warm and stuff but I'm here dressed in my training gear and hoping i can get through today's workout without the mental tantrums i have been having lately over the way these workouts are getting really tough on me. I also worry about mum when i feel like I'm about to pass out i keep checking that mums doing OK, and shes a trooper, i know shes feeling it , so i tell her its OK to modify if we are past our boundaries, we still get results. 
So speaking of results, i am going to use this post as a continual update  of my bodies developments. i know a bit boring for you most likely but it is a good way for me to track  how I'm responding to training. the only thing you wont see is abs lol  big lol here, after 5 kids  there is no hope for them without surgery, but i assure you one day i will be at my goal weight and able to have the abdominoplasty to correct muscle placement and remove the excess skin i have had since having the twins. you can see that stomach in my first couple of posts early in this blog    So i will now add my first pic, i haven't been able to get a close pic of anywhere else yet but i will do it as soon as i can. At the moment i just have my arms, or one of them as they both are almost the same, 

i will update this post as soon as i  get some clear pics of my legs and back , this will help me tell my progress as i don't ever see my back.