i have changed the way i allow comments,

Hello my wonderful readers. i have had to change the way that i allow comments, meaning that they will have to go through moderation first, as it seems my Ex, who might i add has a DVO current and is  not allowed to harass me , has magically found my blog. I say, too bad so sad that he doesnt like reading about my journey. I  will not hide myself away because of a man who keeps threatening me with pictures and links etc, what i did as a single woman  or even as his partner doesnt shame me, i know how good he is with his little photoshop and computer games so  i am no longer goin gto worry about his drunken attenmpts to sabotage my life and happiness. I have found happiness and  am very proud of my journey with 12wbt, and with that journey has come my strength to put a stop to games being played at my expense. I just had a rather rude comment on my blog so for your enjoyment i will only allow comments i have seen and can moderate. 99 percent of you comment wonderful encouraging things so i thank you for that. :) have a wonderful night. big hugs ,

Night fishing

Hello my pretties, you dont even want to know where im blogging from right now but i promise to wash my hands :)
Hope you all did something awesome over the weekend, if you did , drop me a comment about it cause i would love to hear.
I went night fishing, never did it before and always wanted to try, so Damian and i packed up the three littlies in warm clothes, took our fire pit and my mum and dad and head for the port. Mum had her big ole lay low , i had my fishing chair, we had a roaring fire, and a great time. The kids were heads down bums up playing with the toad fish, catching them, checking them out then letting them go, Ewan caught a tiny little school fish lol much to his surprise. It was bloody awesome to do something out of the ordinary. Mum and dad even took the kids home later so Damo and i could enjoy the high tide. We only caught one fish , ok Damo caught it but i cheered him on so im sure that helped. we had a great time and the kids thought it was the best night ever. I needn't have worried about warm clothes early on as they couldnt keep out of the shallows.

The first pic is my dad  and my son Ewan,

 Dakotah  snuggled up and enjoying her adventure

Dakotah and her "catch"

Using prawn heads to lure their prey lol,

Connors little catch and release toady

Damians catch and not release fish

Ewan caught this one the day before when we took them fishing , lol it was relesed and swam happily to the other fish

Damian   wetting a line,

Pre 12wbt, i would have not bothered doing anything at night as i would have been too damned exhausted. Not anymore, i love how much the kids learn from Damian when we do these things.  He is always super organised so it makes life better for doing trips like this, he even used his macguyver skills to set up a tripod light of LED.s that ran off my old car battery. it was perfect to keep everything well lit and the fire was well contained and just lovely to sit beside. i will be doing it again for sure. I think mum and dad even enjoyed it, cooking up snags on a hot plate thrown over the fire. Couldnt have asked for a nicer night. :)  p.s Yes i ate a snag, but it was only one i promise , and there was only two marshmallows so i was well behaved, plus i even counted the sand i had in both .

what have i been upto???

Well its getting close to week 11 weigh in and it worries me that i will not get to that 10kg before week 12 ends. I am signed up for round 2 and love sneaking into the forums and seeing what the newbies are up to, hoping to hold a hand or pat a back if its needed.  i hope you all had a great week training , or if not training, planning to train. I have made a big effort to eat Mish's recipes this weeks and have really enjoyed it. i had a couple of days where i was like a bottomless pit though so i don't know how that will reflect on my weigh in on wednesday though. i am really putting my all into my workouts now, doing a dance class on Saturdays that is so bloody hard lol, my vertigo is up to crap at the moment so I'm not steady on my feet like i used to be but i don't give up, i get through the hour class with a 400 cal burn each week  yayyy.
my workout buddy is having a harder time though, mum has halicobacter pylori in her stomach. and shes not coping with the treatment , so she stopped taking it , even after a rather motherlike lecture from me. its surprising how many people have this bacteria in them and its a nasty little bugger, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicobacter_pylori   so keep an eye on your tummy health , keep up with your probiotics as well cause it helps keep things well in there and so does vitamin c.

So im working my bum off, dealing with my vertigo and  anxiety, and running my household the best i can, i  was even almost asleep yesterday afternoon , sitting in my chair and instead , damo said lets do the yard, so he whipper snipped while i mowed, 260cal burn thank you very much.

so much for a restful day lol, that night i decided to test my calorie burn  with a number 7 , and managed 48 cals in 25 minutes, I'm thinking my beach walk of 18 minutes and 110cal burn was exceptional then lol,  well i did take the number 7 easy, i will be determined to  beat that score much to Damians amusement.

Damian took me for a drive yesterday to some of our local beaches and all i could think was wow i would love to run along there. Even damian said lets take ur bikes down there next weekend and ride the trail there and back and see what calories we burn. i said bloody oath . we are also keen to get out boating so that will be super fun for me , the floods ruined all fishing around here and then we were not allowed to fish due to ecoli. now its supposedly safe and i just want to get a line wet.

i will be getting some more videos sorted of clogging to show you once i update my video card and my windows movie maker works again.
i must go now and pick up kiddies so i will blog late, i was distracted by my hot cup of aktivite and lost alot of my blog so for now im saving this to draft and will pick up where i left of when my brain re-enters my head :)


Its wednesday and it took a while for my brain to work and i still havent figured out my video drivers yet  , i promise i will so i can share some vids with you ,,, there will be more pics and vids during round 2.

today was week 11 weigh in.... woooooooooohooooooooooooooo i was worried for a while but i finally cracked my 10kg , yessss, 10.2 to be exact . i raced out with my $25 gift card at big w and rewarded myself to a new one active training jacket.... and a new singlet.  how awesome am i going. lol, i really wanted to have been down alot more by end of round but i have one week to make it matter.  i had a rough start to the day having some tummy and bowel trouble if you know what i mean. i promised myself i will not trust a fart again ever , oy oy oy *rolls eyes.


i wanted to share something i was thinking about too,  how i see myself when i look in the mirror. I see grey hairs, double chins, droopy eyes with almost invisible eyelashes, warts all over my forehead., literally i do have these weitd growth things crop up on my temples and forehead. then i  saw a video link on my page and had a look, it was a video that dove had made, an experiment, so i went and had a watch, and do you know , i sobbed, i really sobbed, it was such an eye opener for me about how others might see me.. they may not notice any of the things i notice,  they might actually think that i am beautiful the way i am, just like Damian does, not like i do. i will go back to my mirror after one of my many toilet trips lol and have a different look at myself, at how others might see me.

http://realbeautysketches.mydove.com.au/  this is the link... remember we are all beautiful people regardless of what we think of ourselves.

my love and hugs to you all ,  i will chat again soon.

progressive photo in blog

hi lovelies, today i took a pic before i showered, i had just woken up and i thought i looked different , so i did a mirror selfy, yep the mirror included heaps of toothpaste smears lol , damn my old lady eyes in the morning. So then i looked at the pic and thought holy shit, i need to do some comparing , so i found my grey top pic from my first sign up blog and stuck them side by side....  i was god  smacked, ten weeks ,  and pickle me grandmother i see it finally. i will add the pic now and go about my daily chores. i have quite alot of gardens to water and animals to feed before making some fertiliser, and then i will switch off my farmville 2 and hang some washing. 

you can see i just woke up in the second pic, in the first I'm just frumpy lol

Round 2 signed up and raring to go

Tonight  i was lucky enough to be signed in to round 2 of 12wbt. wooo hooo, Thanks to damian  , who is lovingly paying for my program, i was rather excited about it and have decided to try this round as intermediate to see what i can do, it will be interesting to see if i can cope . im hoping so as i really want my fitness and stregth to improve as i lose weight.

Ironically i have been super hungry today, might be an ovulation thing but i just felt extra hungry so i have been doing alot of diversiona dn a lot of pretending Michelle is glaring at me lol i still think i over imbibed a bit today so i will be making sure i take better care from now on. I dont want this to be a waste of Damo's money so i am giving it my all. I still have 2 weeks  of round 1 so i will keep pushing myself through it. My back has been a little bit whiny today, and i didnt do a workout, i was active though , running around getting things done , yesterday we managed a good burn for only being allowed to use lower half. I am supposed to be able to do a full workout tomorrow so i will give it a go and see what happens.
i really want ot hit that 10kg by rounds end so fingers crossed for me guys.
The way my weight can go up and down it will be hard to do..
im off for an early night now and will keep you all posted on my progress, i look forward to you all beinmg there with me for round 2, Are you a little excited? cause i am :)

Weigh in week 10

Oh boy did i have a loss by the skin of my teeth. 93.3 , only 400 off. Its ok , it is a loss but damn sooooo close to my 10kg goal . I amused myself by taking a pic of my arm, i swear i am getting little biceps, if you look really close you can see they are trying to define , woohooo

i was cupped at physio today

Today i went to physio about my painful back muscles  and the young man was really kind , he got straight into it,   gave me a gown to get into and left me some privacy, he didn't however tell me which way the opening goes, so i took my top off, left my bra on ( wasn't sure if i was meant to take that off too lol) in hindsight now i think it would have been better having it off, um not having it off in a biblical mummy loves daddy way, i mean taking my bra off,, oh , you know what i mean anyway. he got me to do a few bends to test my restrictions, and got me on my tummy on the table,  i felt him pushing down hard around my spine, and then touching my back muscles in turn to figure out my painful areas,  then i  noticed some gel on me and he massaged around a bit, i was then sucked to within an inch of my life by a cupping machine, on my middle back it was fine, but it hurt quite a bit on my upper back. he sat me up and felt around my back again, then got me to put my hands behind my head, and he stood behind me , putting a towel in my back , he wrapped his arms around my arms and said to breathe in and relax and he gave my back a stretch, i said , this looks like a familiar position i have seen in a book lol, I'm hoping now that it was in fact a towel in my back.

I was asked to lay face down again, and he massaged  me alot more, saying to me that he noticed I'm very stiff on my left side, i was thinking, well son its probably that way because i have my arm and legs squeezed in as close to my side as i could, the young fellas, crotch kept nudging its way up and down my side as he massaged and prodded and i was  getting a little concerned that i was diddling his nads if i moved, lol maybe i should have just gone, diddle diddle,  and it would have made him more aware of where he rests it during therapies.
i was walked through some exercises that will help stretch my back again,  a few of them a little bit, hellooooo, so i will be doing those in private, i was also a little concerned with the one where i have to put my head between my crossed arms as i am stretching my back holding a railing, it was beginning to feel like i was going to be decapitated by my breasts. i will do these exercises twice a day to help my back.  and keep up the hot water bottle,
I asked him when i can fully train again and he said, lower half till Friday and then i should be ok to get into heavier training again... I'm hoping so ,  as i feel like i have stumbled on the last hurdle towards the finishing line.

I am signing up for round 2 so i am not going to panic about things at the moment, i just want to get that 10kg loss before end of round.. so its head down bum up..

below is a photo of my back strapping, it looks like I'm wearing a lady sanitary item stuck to my back..
i can remove it in 72 hours. or if it is causing me pain before that its coming off..... I'm hoping i don't have back hair  that i was not aware of, because this will hurt like a biatch to rip off.

 Another thing that made me chuckle was when the young man was doing the upper back he had to unclip my bra.... the one im wearing in the pic,  as he was fumbling around i said to him, im guessing you are either single or your girlfriend only wears tiny bras with one clip on them cause you are not having much success  . hahahah he laughed at that and concentrated really hard to get it back up faster when he was finished.  I really am naughty sometimes. It was mums fault as she was there too and things are always a little on the crazy side when us two get together.

Im off for a shower now and some loving time with my man.  take care and i will blog my weigh in tomorrow. i am expecting a gain this week, its is said when you have injury you can hold a little weight .... lets hope not.

over did it, now i have an injury... oopsies

Hello wee poppets, i hope you are all having a wonderful weekend, in fact i hope you all have been having a great and active week. my week has been all over the place to be honest .
I have achieved quite a bit, i got alot of sewing done, i had an encounter with a nasty photo comment on facebook, i shall post the pics here , you see what happened was this, my ex sent me a text saying he had seen something awful on facebook and he was all upset about it. this to me was a bit of a con, my ex has a habit of trying to hurt me in as many ways as he possibly can, even 3 years after we separated. He knows i am a soft natured person who doesn't like violence and one time to try hurt me he sent an email to me of a  murder victim, i was lucky enough to only catch a glimpse of the  pic  but it was enough to set of my anxiety and panic and was a terrible terrible experience.  I  never open emails from him if there is an image, in fact i usually wont open emails from him full stop. so this was why i didn't want to go to the link he was trying to show me, instead i rang him and asked why he was trying to show me a link and what was it. He said it was a photo of me on facebook that had nasty comments under it. 
 i didn't remember there being a photo of me like that as i don't go anywhere and wondered if he had done it himself with old pics from when we were together. 
I eventually went to the link, and found this 

 At the base of the pic is nasty comments by a total stranger, who then tagged her male friend in it and had a laugh at my expense. It might not be the front of me and most people would not know who it was, the fact is that people who matter will see my sons face and realise.  This really affected me in a bad way. i hid in the bathroom and sobbed, devastated that at my age i would have nasty comments blabbed about me on facebook, not to mention that my sweet innocent little man is in plain view. this is his  mother they are making fun of. could you imagine how he would feel if he were to see this one day , or a friend of his see it. 

i cried for quite a while, telling my friends in my 12wbt forum about it, i had never come across such terrible people before like that. I reported the pic to no avail, i asked her to remove it , to no avail , i have now reported this pic 4 times and had no help from facebook at all.

 I did a lot of soul searching, looking at this pic,  going through emotions very quickly, shock, pain, embarrassment, anger, guilt , devastation...... like a rollercoaster my head was flipping feelings around seeming to search for the right one to describe how i was feeling through this. 
yes i am overweight, no its not a flattering picture but i sure don't look like i am about to go on the biggest loser. 

By that afternoon i had calmed down and  the next morning i got my kids to take a pic of me in that dress ( almost as famous as the blue Monica  dress ) 

i decided i would use the photo as a comparison pic at the start of my journey.. my new pic is below 

 i can still see rolls down my back, but i am thinking there is a lot of difference between the woman in the first picture and the woman in the second picture.. for started the woman in the first picture was suffering alot, she was miserable, fat, unhealthy, anxious, dizzy, unfit, scattered, frightened, weak and just going through each day in pain and aching waiting for the end . 

the woman in the second picture is ALIVE.. fitter, smaller , stronger, still dizzy but dealing with it better, still has moments of anxiety but is gaining strength from within that is making her a better person.  she loves being alive now and is planning a future, she looks forward to exercise and loves that her youngest son wants to do things just like her.  the second photo has a woman in it that is in a beautiful relationship and wants to experience as many things life has to hand out as she can. 

these woman are nothing alike any more, the second woman has taken over and is going to  get stronger still. 

 speaking of stronger, i had a bit of an energetic day yesterday.. meaning i went to a dance class and  burned over 300 cal for the hour, then went for a brisk beach walk  in soggy sand, which meant i had to work at it, but burned 110 cal in 18 minutes, then raced home to go to another dance class , burning another 360 cals . i was exhausted. 
I have never felt so strong though i was full of incredible energy, i just wanted to run... yep you read it right, run... OK jog with arms flailing, my running is other peoples jogging lol but i am getting there. 

well my mind and body forgot to cooperate , last night i had a nice warm shower as i was so weary from all my work, then i was making dinner, i opened the oven and kaboom, pain all across my middle back...nooooooooo   what was this all about,? when will i be able to train again.?will i be able to wipe my own butt?, these were all thoughts shooting through my head as fast as the pain was intensifying. after a few nurofen, bed and hot water bottle i managed the pain better, but  i got a fitful night sleep, and today its very tender like i had done a killer workout, i am taking it easy today, i had a hot shower this morning at 7 and spent till 11am doing my housework so i can be ready for my relax later, then it came to me, i was listening to music and steam mopping my floors, when i got the urge...... I WANT TO PAINT.  So as soon as i finished cleaning i have prepped a new portrait ,this time i am going to try my hand at celebrities, my first being the one and only Johnny Depp, mmmmmmm yummy... i hope i can get this right, it will be fun having a long deep look at that perfect face of his though(from an artists perspective of course)*looks around to see if damo read that.

so it has indeed been a week of business emotionally for me. i will still be working as hard as my back will allow, otherwise i will do lots of cycling.
  Take care and do something your future self will thank you for... i know mine will :)

weigh in week 9

i have been a very busy little bee this week, i have been watching my Xena dvds while sewing, oh how much i love my Xena, ( a little secret , i one day will own a full replica of her costume custom made in my size, hence my urgency to get smaller too ). So i have had this gorgeous pattern  of a very complicated looking corset top, you know how this girl loves her corsets, well i finally got off my ass and had a go at it, took me 1  and a half seasons to finish it. 
I must have looked ridiculous, sometimes laughing, sometimes tearing up , other times just staring vacantly at the screen with mouth slack.  somehow still managing to finish a difficult , attempts back flip, stands , pauses , sits again... i don't have a stunt double.

 So when i actually  go out i will get a pic of me wearing it ,  its a very vintage looking top and it will go well with alot of the outfits i have. 
I also whipped up a top and gave it to mum, it was a more simplistic baby doll singlet top that i didn't photograph. I am about to make a start on  a top and corset set , not sure how it will turn out but I'm willing to give it a shot. That reminds me , i made a cute black corset 2 years ago with a peplum waist and i only wore it for 2 hours and never wore it again due to me getting fatter. I'm going to try that sucker on ... i will be back in a minute I'm back, it fits again, woohoo and as i looked at it closely i thought it might possibly go with this white top too.

So kids are on school holidays,  this usually means sleep ins but noooooo not since 12wbt, i never get sleep ins, I'm up and have to be ready for my workouts by 8am, even on Sunday when i could squeeze a sleep in, I'm wide awake at 6am... the injustice of it all. 
The kids have been OK apart from , noise, fighting, back chatting, mess making and general boredom, so i have my work cut out for me on the holidays. i had to tell them that they were not allowed to play on the computer until i saw that they did enough  physical activity to earn it.... i am a Meany aren't i?

I managed to occupy them a lot yesterday taking them to see the baby farm animals and then to the beach. we were all so exhausted last night that i was a bit of a cranky mummy. oops. poor kiddies.

Today  is weigh in day and even though i have been busting a gut with my workouts , it is seriously hard to get this damned weight off. i swear when i get to my goal weight i am going to do all i can to  stop the weight coming back , its just too bloody hard  to remove it. 
I got my new scales 2 days ago, which gave me a chance to see if they liked me more than the others did. they are tanita scales and have that body composition stuff on it. i gave it a go, set up my profile and got on and i swear i could feel the current passing through my body . lol scary  to a sook like me, but i just reminded myself it was OK, i was not going to explode at any time soon. i got all  my readings and still am not sure what they all mean  but my main focus is  on my weight..
Today i weighed in at.......93.7 :) that down a total of 9.3kg since  sign up. i really want to get that 10 by end of round, and hopefully close to 15 so i have a lot of work to do.
I am off to do my housework, so i can get more sewing done. i will feel guilty if i try to  sew while my lounge is untidy and my bed unmade..yes yes i know , make it as soon as you get up. but i couldn't because Connor was snuggled in it , playing on my phone. he is such a cutey head. 

Have a good day  and remember to never give up.

weigh and measure week 8

So here i am again, its time to weigh, measure, poop, weigh and measure again :) I'm serious, those things can  weigh more than a few hundred grams and those little numbers are important.  well today i did my usual prep.,  shaved under my arms , cause you never know how heavy those little hairs can be :) 
today i was expecting a big gain, its period time, and so i have that delightful bloat and pains we women suffer  with, and  so when i got on the scales i was delighted that it was not a gain but a 200 gram loss. not much i know but its still downwards and *coughiateeastereggscough so i was expecting trouble,i will say though that i was careful and kept it in my calorie count.

So that's me down 8.4kg now, and 94.6 kg,  phew i cant wait to  get under that 90kg.
then it was measure up time, being bloaty wont give me the best results but i  was glad that i had results again 
Lost another 20 cm in body size, making it an overall loss of 46cm so far, woohoo where the hell did that all go, i have visions of 46cm of sludge glugging its way down the drain after i shower ewwww. making that's what all the sweat is lol I'm so glad we don't get shorter as we lose weight or i will end up 30cm tall by my goal weight.  I have not done my fitness test yet,  that will be done tomorrow, i just need to find somewhere new to do my 1km run as i now have a small boat and a fire pit in my front yard where i used to do my fitness testing. I'm off now to do a hair cut, then its back home to do housework and finish making Tatjahnas new top. 
I will fill you in on my fitness tests tomorrow. have a great day 
if you have been reading this and want to join 12wbt then there is the link and congrats on your new life
www.12wbt.com