thrown in the deep end , voice first

Hi lovelies, what a harrowing day today has been for me. i had 4 days warning so i knew it was coming , trouble is i have managed  to avoid this situation for almost 6 years more on a professional level. I certainly would not have volunteered to enter a singing comp, country or otherwise so i was a little shell shocked when mum asked me to do a duet with her for the comp today. 
What???????   me sing , on a stage, in front of people  , after all these years you have to be bloody kidding..!!!!!!!  so i said yes. wtf was i thinking. 
My vertigo can be awakened heavily by nerves so you should have seen me ,   as someone with anxiety i deal with feeling nervous quite often but today it was on high alert. i didn't think i could even lift my arms to hold the mikes lol  i just kept thinking about how  much mum deserved me to do a good job, I was not doing it expecting to get a placing, and we don't find that out till tomorrow,  i just wanted to beat my  nerves, wanted to have the chance to perform again , I loved performing for so long.

When we got to the venue i was feeling really nervy and wobbly but kept my thoughts as busy as i could, mainly on hoping others thought i looked as cute as i believed i did in my new dress lol
 we had to stay behind the stage and listen to all the other singers first, i hate that bit. my nerves tried so hard to take over that my arms felt seriously heavy. i said to mum that i probably wouldn't be able to hold a mike up so we asked them to leave them in the stands. probably lose points for that but i was not there for that reason.  I leant over to mum and said, " If i get so nervous that i pass out or faint, can you really quickly cover my ass"? she laughed so hard. but i was bloody serious lol,  i wouldn't have control over how i land so i just wanted to take care of my dignity .:)
Then i said oh and i have two pairs of undies on in case i crap a pair so if i do, just sneak them off and toss them under the stage while no ones looking.
 The laughing calmed a few nerves but as soon as they called us up i couldn't really hear anything. my head was going off into space somewhere, i was trying to stop my knees locking and  keep that professional air about me.. probably  losing that air as much as i was losing gas :) just glad the band was loud.
I have never sung with a band before so it was a real double test. i said to mum, " no pressure but   if you mess up , we are effed lol"   I was harmonising mum so it was pretty much up to her to keep me on track. We are pretty notorious for the odd slip up that always entertains the audience ... in a good way ... but doing it right mattered this time. 
I'm not even sure that i could see any of the people in the audience at all and i just know the other contestants were picking the shit out of our performance lol, cause we kind of did the same listening to them. just a little bit... and nothing disrespectful... nothing Simon Cowell like. 

Then mid instrumental mum does a dance thing.... wtf... i gotta dance.... shit.... in this dress, damn .. so i did my best little hot shoe shuffle thinking  that mum better remember my ass covering if i drop.

We got through the song and mum instinctively grabbed my hand as we walked off stage as she knew i would need the walking support .. and i did. 
I was so proud of her this competition as she has wanted to do it for 12 years and she finally did. Just like i dragged her into  my morning workouts , mum dragged me to the comp. The good thing is i am now a member of the club so will be practising singing every week  with mum and the band, and Damian  might even like playing his guitar sometimes for us too :)

So i have  been exercising... i didn't think i ever would again. 
I have  been clogging.... didn't think that would ever be possible again 
I sang on stage in front of a huge crowd in a comp...... what was in those brownies>????/ ( disclaimer, no brownies were consumed at all and certainly not any "funny" ones) 
 This is looking to be a very powerful year for me, lets see just how much more i can achieve.

 Whats next? pole dancing....... rock climbing.... wearing matching underwear??? who knows but I'm going to do it any way

a pic for you all to gander at... this is me Post singing , very nervous still and  waiting for my ride home... amusing mum with my " model" poses

 I'm not a r4eal big country music fan but i managed to find myself some boots for the day 

weigh in week 7,

Hi lovelies , its weigh in day today, i should have blogged you earlier but what a busy ant day i had today, i think i have spent all of  2 hours home all day. i managed to race to big w this morning for a little shopping for the kids, they will be getting clothes for Easter and one egg and they are happy with that. i also managed to buy a cheap little dress me me to throw on   for shopping or such,  at only 18 dollars it was a steal, i grabbed an 18  and got it home and realised i will need to take it in quite a lot, woohoo. they only went from 18 to 26 and for the first time in many years i had to back away from that section and look in the smaller sections. yayyyyyyy. 

So i  will stitch it later when I'm finished my blogging and the cleaning i missed out on doing today, and its odd cause now there seems to be mountains of cleaning when before there didn't seem to be that much. 
while at Big W i also managed to grab a really cute bra and pantie set,(don't tell damo i will show him later) this time i was able to buy a smaller size and it fit and it only cost me 15 for both , I'm used to buying them exclusively at bras n things  because they don't have my size in Big W. well now they do :)

Then as i was wondering through the fitness section i managed to grab myself some Michelle Bridges, One Active stuff, namely some of her sports socks and her new  hot pink workout jackets, i love it and this time i grabbed a 16 cause it looked about right . I have seriously digressed but i just wanted to  blab about my new threads. oh and not to mention the cool jewellery i snagged up for 3 bux.. mhmmm 3 little bux, now i will need somewhere to go. 

After my running around at shops i  got my workout done and dusted and  raced off for more appointments. 
The most important part of the day  was my weigh in,  no fuss and fancy words here today, i got nuddy, i got on the scales and i gave a little cheer, down to 94.7, that's 8.2kg gone now. *pumps fist, does a little fancy dance.

I am hoping to continue with getting results now, as i was a little up and down for a few weeks and the frustration was terrible. I'm going to keep at it and hope for the best. 

thanks for reading , and blog ya later x

Clogging nearly killed me.... i swear its true :)

Today marked my  return to clogging, i did not do this alone, i dragged my mum back there too. we started clogging together back in around 1999, 2000... eeek I'm old.. i loved it, we danced every week and i then practised like a madwoman every day at home. 

Then mum and i started fundraising for the fairy sparkle garden here in bundaberg,  this was always needed on Saturday mornings,  which meant we had to decide on either clogging or raising money... sadly we said goodbye to clogging.. then i went along and had 3 more kiddies,  after which we tried clogging again, sadly each time we restarted we had to go all the way back to beginners class, lol that sucked so we got bored rather quickly  and clogging fizzled out,  due to way too many reasons. 

we thought about starting up again but something always stopped us, mainly this time was my vertigo, and too many kiddies, i didn't have a way to keep the kids settled while i danced, so i waited, now they are older , and I'm sure if i needed to they could happily come and watch... I'm also hoping they might like to join up one day too for the fun of it. 

well today mum and i showed up, i was so nervous, i have the same clogs that i started with, and now it was 13 years on. i remember dancing years ago and having my stompers fly off ahead of me, lol big fail.    see pic below

well we got on our most comfortable, clothes for clogging, i assumed that all the workouts this round would have prepared me somewhat for the  stamina needed for an hour of clogging.. oh boy , i was wrong, i wonder how the hell i managed all those years ago . 

the hall we had to use was a very hasty replacement as the usual hall was double booked. the only hall was one that had gone under in the floods, so the fans and aircon were not rewired yet so they couldn't be turned on,  ai ai ai ... it was almost 31 degrees today, the hall had no airflow as it had a massive tree blocking one side and another disused massive hall on the other, plus bars on the windows, it was terrible, 
 After a brief review of some steps  we were into it. within the first 30 minutes i thought i might need a pace maker, a drip and  long cool bath. lol i was  a mess. i had already drank my 750ml of water and was not going to drink the water out of the tap as I'm a snob and these pipes had been flooded, they might say all is well with the water but i just thought icky no way .  next time i take two water bottles just in case., i will also wear a better bra as you will see from the video. I forgot how bouncy clogging is.


i managed to get a small bottle of water from my daughter as she had plenty and was only spectating. 

mum was a real goer lol she was getting into it. because of vertigo i have to be careful with turns so sometimes i did them others i didn't lol I'm hoping i can get the video to upload and you will be able to see a snippet of us clogging. 


finally  got the video edited,  

this  is about halfway through the lesson, I'm the blonde in the blue top and tattoo lol

the second one is of how wankered i am after the hour, i am seriously not enjoying myself anymore . i will be glad when i dont have a wobbly neck anymore. oh gosh, what if i am stuck with an old lady wobble.

well my pretties i better get off here and spend some time in the fresh air, otherwise Damian will wonder whats wrong with me . 
have a great weekend . i did have another video but its just not working for me today

weigh in week 6

I'm a day late for this post but us mums get terribly busy.
i have been amazed by the support for my post in the 12wbt forums regarding that asshole at jetts gym, I'm just glad to have the change to air these things and get such amazing support.

well i will cut to the chase here today, weigh in was yesterday. i wee'd stripped off naked, briefly looked at myself in the mirror, shook of the horror and got on the scales, damn it up by 400 grams. i expected it cause I'm due for a period and there is probably some fluid hanging around. Then today i got on the scales and the 400 was gone and i was back to 96. wtf???/ my scales really like to mess me over. the cheeky little monkeys.

It is also that time of year when nasty flu is going around. This is the first year that my doctor has asked that  i get us all vaccinated, I'm normally of two minds and being someone that gets anxiety one of my fears is sickness and the other is of adverse reactions from pharmaceuticals , this time though i have to bite the bullet and get it done.  After hearing how bad this new flu is  i was more concerned with missing out on working out than anything else. so after spending 135 dollars on flu vax for 6 people, and then panadol and nurofen for the kids, i am off to the nurse tomorrow to get them all done. , Fingers crossed  they don't get the fevers they used to get with the flu shot.
This is a short post as i have alot of pantry sorting to do. and I'm still in the middle of sorting this weeks shopping list for 12wbt.....

It was great to see Michelle bridges on the live chat and its always a laugh to chat in the feed, so it was a double bonus that she read out my comment i said about Easter " that i would buy some chocolate body paint for Easter and hop that the activities that follow its consumption will burn off the calories " gave her a chuckle, as to her asking me for the details, ummm i am not really sure she wants to know what i get up to lol
have a good day everyone and i will blog again real soon......... p.s why the hell did i buy two cupcake recipe books today?

It finally fits again

Just a quick post before i go and shower, I went out for the first time in eons tonight, normally my vertigo dictates my outings, well tonight i wanted to see my friend sing(Justin Standley ) and that meant i was going to be in public, i wanted to make sure that i looked good, so i got out a trench coat top and skirt, then realised it would be too hot, so then i got an idea, i grabbed my hell bunny dress, the petticoat that goes under it,  my under shirt, and my corset, i was determined to see if i had lost enough weight yet to be able to wear it again. 

i curled my hair, wore make up, big jewellery that Damian bought me and  i went all out. Time to get the clothes on and see if they work or even fit..... 

I will let you be the judge :) woooohooo i even had  compliments and a group of young men say "hey babe" lol 

hahhahah look at me gooooooooo,  i love my 12wbt... cant wait till i can fit into my purple one, but that will be a long way yet, it still sits here in my office  encouraging me with my goals ... night all 

Look out the Puppies are getting loose

I knew this day would come *sniffle sniffle, but its for the best,  i knew that for the sake of my health  and due to all the exercise that i would have to start saying my goodbye to my bountiful puppies.... breasts, tits, boobs, bosoms, tats, oh you get the picture. Due to my weight loss i have had to make some adjustments i knew would come but still feel a small amount of grief when the process started. You see i love my breasts. they are huge, yippee, Damian thinks the are pretty damned awesome too but now they are starting to shrink, Egad!!s what will i do now. luckily they are slowly shrinking and not the effect of sticking a pin into a balloon.

For me to find a bra to fit prior to 12WBT i had to buy a size smaller in the back  and then my cup size so it would fit right, then i had to use an extender. so i wore a 16F with an extender for my fat back.Probably needed a 16B for my back boobs too :)
Well today i can say, and this is supposed to be with happiness, that i no longer require the extender, that's a total of 10 Cm's not needed in bra. i have also had to tighten my shoulder straps as my  breasts thought they were  totally free when i was exercising and tried to bounce all over my shoulders and face, even occasionally knocking into each other, it might be soon that i can go down in a cup.... Maybe then i will need to sneakily change the E to an f so Damian doesn't think hes missing out lol

I also took a few more naked pics and hid them in a spycalc so noone can see them but me, well except for poor kahlyssa who had to take a pic of the back of me naked, I'm not sure she will recover easily cause i sure as heck didnt like what i saw lol. theres a long way to go for me , but i have started and that's a good thing.  I don't want to lose heaps of my breast, but i need them smaller so i can buy prettier and sexier clothes and get back into my corsettry  wink wink nudge nudge.

till next post, "Drop and give me 20"     oh dear that looks like I just wrote drop and give me 20 inches... i do mean push ups

It's wednesday so you know what that means.

Well it has been a while since i have typed  a post, i guess i don't really have too much of an audience to read them so it gets a little disheartening. woe is me,
Today is weigh in day, and i should be very excited by my results but I'm so tired i don't have any emotion towards it, maybe a little disappointment that its so damned slow. I clocked in at 96 today that's 1.1kg loss this week. i was hoping for more as i was working hard all week.
I am trying my best to be  more active, these last few days my vertigo has been bad. I'm trying to figure out which exercises are causing it and at this stage i can only think of biceps ( as i felt it pulling down my neck and shoulders ) and  the floor crunches, i will need to get back on the ball to do them.

I am streamlining my  nutrition plans so that i can change the days i don't like. when i get it sorted i will take a pic and show you .

I was dropping my mum home on Monday and we both saw a couple of ladies running whilst wearing  Kangoo Jumps. i remember buying something similar for my kids when they were young. these ones are designed for adults and i want a pair. i really really want some , so i asked the universe for some for my birthday in May. Lets hope the universe was listening.

I also was lucky enough to use the 12wbt discount and get myself a new water bottle and i am seriously a sucker for a water bottle. it is true that i can always be found trying different ones and spending hundreds over the years on water bottles because the last one i bought didn't seem good enough. so far i am enjoying my Kor One. the only thing that's weird is the lid is rather big and tends to annoy me when i drink it front on. i will need to get into the habit of drinking with the lid to the side , meaning I'm actually drinking out of the side of the bottle and not the front. it will take some getting used to but overall the spout is uber comfy and smooth, it has a very generous sized opening so you are getting a good amount of water flow. the colours are good. the price is reasonable even to the point of me going to order a couple more over the next few weeks as i really want to try drink 3 litres of water a day and see if it helps.
they can be bought from http://www.korwater.com.au



I also wanted to  reflect on my weight loss. During this journey i have felt it going really slowly,  even when the cm's lost are right there in front of me i tend to still be impatient. Today it seems like all of a sudden i can tell. The way my shape is changing, that my breasts are shrinking . That in itself is no easy task, i have wanted my breasts back down to an E cup for years ,, even a DD would be good for my back, but then the tart in me says nooooooo Damian loves them what will he think when they are smaller?  I'm thinking he probably won't really care because he is enjoying the benefits of me losing the weight.
7kg , you think it would be alot wouldn't you ? but compared to someone who already weighs, 80kg, then them losing 7 would be a oh wow look at you moment.. when you start at 103 then 7kg  is not much more than a ripple in a pond. i have a long way to go on my journey, I'm almost a quarter of the way there.  So now it is that i notice a few things, my face i think is smaller, my measurements are smaller  and now i feel my breasts are shrinking. While i was exercsising this morning i had to stop and readjust my puppies, tightening up my shoulder straps on my bra and constantly fiddling,  As i was jumping around and jogging i could feel my breasts jostling like  little roller derby players inside my bra cup.
It made me chuckle when i told mum, gosh they feel like they are inside a hollow ball being thrown around  all over the place screaming and trying to clutch to the sides. :) i even gave her a demo.
So it is with mixed emotions that my wonderfully bountiful Tata's are disappearing. yay to new sexier bras though, i have to keep looking to that. I suppose when they are all empty and hanging off my chest like a potato sack with only one tater in it i will be able to roll them up and plop them into a sexier bra. They may need a little extra taping in by then but at least i will be skinnier. i will just have to make sure i am never caught in heavy winds whilst topless , I'm thinking a good gust will pick these babies up and have them blowing back over my shoulder possibly into my face.

i can feel the muscle tone in my legs, as for my tummy, well i can tell its smaller, i can look down and not see tummy bulging out past my boobs but i still have so damned far to go.

I think my confidence may be boosting a little in the romance department as i feel a little more  desirable as i go on, this in itself with spur me on, that and the kids giving me so much encouragement is helping me in many ways. Even Tatjahna giving me the occasional shoulder rub is helping me be able to function better the day after toning.
I am going to try harder this week with food, and see what kind of results i get next week.

fitness test week 4 results

Today was my fitness test, i gave myself the week of workouts to get my fitness up a Little after being sick for those 2 weeks.  having only managed the week and a half of exercise before i got sick meant i was not going to get anything in the fitness test. so this week i worked my ass off,  pushing my body past what i was thinking it could do. i was doing actual jumping jacks, i have not jumped in years, if there was a snake under my feet , i ain't jumping, i will  yelp but i wouldn't jump, lately i have been lifting my body up off that floor and jumping, albeit a little awkward looking but jumping just the same.

 Today i did a ten minute warm up, it started  as a walking thing but in three minutes it became me entertaining two of my kids and mum with some rather excitable jazz hand dancing. i was getting a little carried away though and had to pull myself in check when my heart rate was hitting too close to 180.  i managed to blitz my 1km by 3 minutes, mainly due to the fact that the first time i was walking it as fast as i could, to actually jog/running some this time. i did better with all my times , over doubling and tripling some. my flexibility is still crap  but i blame my bad back for the reach thing, maybe it will loosen but I'm not going to be angry because of a little flexibility problem,  not when the rest of me is doing so much better.  I burned 401 calories today, which  is not something that happens for me.  i want to hibernate for a while but at least i got my workout and fitness test done... i   cant wait to see what happens to  next weeks weigh in. *fingers crossed 

I don't even want to imagine what it must have looked like for mum, who was running behind me, she has  always been a runner but i just look like a fat chick trying to escape. when i run my form is crap , i really do look like someone who is running and they hit a downward slope and they spend the rest of the run trying not to fall, so they have arms all flailing and such. 

not only have i lost the  gain from last week, and 26cm overall, i have managed to go from a 10+ min walk to a 7+ run/jog/walk for my kilometre. 

i did  76 push ups instead of the 25 i started at 4 weeks ago. i managed a 1.59 minute plank over  my 45 second one.  i doubled my wall sit,  and i felt great... next time I'm going to be tougher on myself and do my plank on my toes.

 I'm looking forward to seeing what i can do in 4 weeks time and how much i can change my body. 

weigh in week 4

I'm so knackered right now that this will be a quick blog, i think my vertigo is playing up a little as my eyes don't want to focus. i will close them and go meditate as soon as i have done this post. 

 weigh in sucked hairy nads this morning, i  did the usual prep and got on scales and boom up 600 grams dammit.  its going to be OK, i have come to the realisation I'm not working my food hard enough.  i am going to reassess my food, get back on the menu plan, substitute flavours i don't like and just take the time to get this right, i lost more weight pre season than i am now, its time to start diarising again.  and making myself extremely accountable for my actions. 

absolutely has to be no more dark chocolate either. 
I'm about to go through my new shopping list and get this party started. 

on a lighter note, i have lost an overall of 26cm , awesome stuff isn't it.  i really pushed my cardio today, the one thing i wasn't ready for was how my body would cope with star jumps, oh boy that must have looked completely hilarious from mums view. 
Gayle jumps, then there is a beautiful mexican wave of body fat  almost hard enough to snap the head off a snake. 
 the momentum was this, feet leave floor, *slow motion shot, thighs vibrate the energy force hits my tummy it lifts and heads up in a wave to my breasts , the motion is carried onwards and upwards to make my breasts rise up almost out of my top to just nudge under my chin, my chin then undulates to my cheeks which still lift up to momentarily cover my eyes before all thumping back down. 

so that was my first round of 20 jumping jacks, the next two rounds were done with me holding my tummy with one arms and my boobs with another. at least my legs were jumping.i will add some pics of my over worked self, i feel i may have over done it a touch today as i went to get up and my body didn't want to hold my weight yet , oops , maybe i will just put my feet up here for a moment.... i really did give it 110 percent today... I'm here to tell you this shit has gotten real man  and i am not holding back and if my body wants to argue with me its going to lose. I'm the one in control here.

 I think i broke us :)

Now i have to drag my sorry ass into my housework, it tends to get a little neglected when I'm working my body hard...maybe  my reward for a milestone at some stage will be  getting someone in to clean my house and i go get a massage ,,,,, yer that's sounding pretty good to me. 




Oh just quickly i needed to and how much this program has given mum and i back our relationship. there was a long time of us not being able to do things together for one reason or another, yet we are doing this journey and its been awesome, my mum and i get to spend time together, get to laugh with and at each other and we get to lose weight and get fitter.  im very grateful for this opportunity we have as  family life is precious. 

First workout after illness

Anyone know CPR?  Today was my first workout after my illness, in total i missed  9 workouts while sick, but i did manage a few minutes cycling a few days ago. Today i did my  workout with my mum, it was my day 1 of week 4 and due to being unwell i will do my fitness test  on Fri or Sat to give my poor lungs a chance to get used to all this again. 

I looked at the workout and nearly keeled over any way , holy snappers, i see  they are sneaking a few extras in as the time goes on, not fun catching up after missing week threes days. Mum and i decided we would step out all the workouts and take it easy to see how i go. I have still got alot of congestion so exercise is a little harder at the moment, plus you have no idea how unfit i became in those 9 days. I just wanted to stand still and get someone else to move my body bits for me. Jumping Jacks, really? that's just not even funny, neither was the  sight of me , hand clamped over my boobs, trying to tame them while i jumped, not wearing my training bra was a mistake. I decided to do an alternate exercise for that and  was rather pleased as it was very similar. next time i will do the bloomin jumping jacks. i know if i had not been sick for so long i would have been able to  get better mini milestone results, i will do all that measure etc on Friday as i mentioned before,  i still have 2 more milstones to  reach so i need to not be harsh on myself. I was super excited to have found my  workout gloves, i always feel stronger wearing them while sweating like a baboon in heat. Then i forgot to wear them, so i thought i would get a pic with them on, but they didnt feel right

 where the hell did my little finger go? and where is the other hole any way?

i looked them over to see what happened as they seemed normal enough, 

Look what i found, see that? halfway up my finger that tiny hole? thats where the other finger hole snuck to. 

 This is how they are supposed to look, and they are the most comfortable pair i have owned,  strong , protective and yet still flexible. 

I  did test out my  sweat band, i was suitably impressed.

I noticed how very 80's i looked today haha i realised today that i will need some new workout tunes so i will find the forum thread where everyone was adding song names and get myself a bit of a list, i want to make my new playlist mum friendly, i don't think she likes some of my workout tunes lol. Well I'm just glad to be back on the track of my journey, Oh wow i missed the endorphins from the exercise. I have a feeling that Damian is noticing changes in my body too, i see him checking me over every now and then , and when he hugs me , his hands are doing a bit more exploring these days lol. I'm hoping hes thinking ," mmmm there seems to be alot less braille on her ass now"  or " woh my hands didn't notice the old corrugated back she had"  I just need to keep an eye on my breasts, weight loss will cause a problem if they get emptier,  when i lay on my back my boobs slides over to the side and become my armpits.... I'm noticing quite a few changes now and it makes me more determined to work harder. Just after i have this little granny nap on my office chair, oh  OK OK  i do have dishes to get washed, but then they can wait for an hour surely.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz