some memories are with us forever

I was writing a post int the 12wbt forums today  about tattoos, yes i have 2 of them , and they are full of sentiment to me, one being for my sister. She passed away  when just 8 days old, i was 6 years old.  i will show the pics and then i will get on with why I'm bloggerating today.

 the top pic is my first, for my sister, and was when i was 31

 the second on my  rather too thick leg, is for my kids and has all their names on it,

 the only thing I'm missing is my parents ,i had decided no more tatts but i may  add a little something for them, Anyway, as i was saying before, these tatts got me thinking about my sister and how things in life go.
I still remember being excited about having a  little brother or sister, i remember seeing baby items in mums room, for some reason i think it was a caravan  , I'm not sure if that's so. I remember going to the hospital  and not seeing  my new sister.

then it was like there was nothing for many years, no mention of her, no  real knowledge of what happened till i was older. I just knew that my sister didn't make it.
This was to be my childhood and adult life memory. even as i grew up i had many ifs. My mum never had any more children, It was just me, I'm wondering if it would have made a difference to my life if she either had another child ,  or is i didn't even remember she once existed.

I was often sad as a child , even sometimes now, still, after all these years its crazy.
 When i had no one to play with , when other kids talked of their siblings. when i had my first child and then became a single mum thinking she was all i would have. I wondered all these things.
If she had lived would i have been a good sister?, would we have had a good bond,? would i have suffered the separation anxiety i had when younger.?

I often fret about my future loneliness if i lose my parents. How will i cope on my own? I have wonderful step sisters, they are amazing women , but it still isn't quite like a blood sibling. even having half siblings  doesn't ease the worry when i have not spent more than a day in 37 years with any of them.

I wonder if this led to any of my irresponsible eating?
Loneliness was a terrible thing as a kid, i even used to play monopoly with my German shepherd i was so bored.
I still remember the little box of ashes my mum had in her wardrobe, the ashes i avoided, i knew how it all affected my mum,  and then in turn affected me. I still remember a callous family member asking me"so what was it like to have your sister die?"  I didn't even dignify that with a response, as i knew she was just trying to upset me..
When i had my 5 kids and people look at me like I'm crazy i just smile, my kids wont be lonely,  they will always have at least one other sibling they are willing to talk to lol.

I am not sure i ever will let go of that feeling i grew up with, even knowing that Alana had severe disabilities doesn't sink in. i have heard people say it was for the best with her as she would not have had any kind of life.  You cannot convince a child that loses a sister that  it was better off.  Even as i type this my eyes tear up. To  people who also have lost children and siblings  i see so many different reactions. some don't seem to take it on board emotionally as they already had a big family, or it happened before they were born and i think its fine how anyone decides to treat it. I felt like i had been robbed of a possibly stronger personality.
I  wasted too many years wishing for a brother or sister.  I need to try change those thoughts and be thankful for being alive and living  my life and giving my kids a life too.  My journey with 12wbt  will help me  to become stronger of mind and spirit and definitely body...

When my oldest daughter had her car accident in December last year, i felt the most incredible pain upon seeing her in her coma and realising just how close i came to losing her. This made me grab my family close and made me determined to get myself fitter and healthier and be there for  them for as long as i can.  If only i can get them to all stop trying to kill each other my family would feel complete.

Sorry for such a downer of a post. you gotta acknowledge the good in your life as well as the bad.
I love my mum for the pain she went through  and the sacrifice she made  when she met my dad and he couldn't father more kids.  shes one hell of a lady xxxxx  Also to my dad who raised me as his own and gave me  a chance to see what it was like to have a loving dad.

Hi my name is Gayle and im a chocoholic.

I am here to tell you that there was not many women like me, Chocolate,... oh my gosh... there was nothing in my life i adored more than the sweet brown naughtiness of chocolate. ( other than my kids)  I knew many ways to get a new and exciting choccy hit,  i could bake the most mouth watery choc chip cookies that were warm and gooey , oh nom nom nom..... how i loved them, sometimes the kids only got 1 or 2 if they were lucky because i could wipe a tray of them down without blinking. 
Then there was chocolate bars, i could eat 2 or 3 without a flutter of my tummy, it was like mothers milk to me, i would use it as relaxation to sit back, laptop going,  a lemonade and a bunch of chocolate. i earned it , i cleaned and took care of my family so i was having it dammit. 
 There was also Nutella, oh myyyyyy, that sweet , gooey goodness, it became my main source of nutrition when i was looking after the twins as babies, a massive jar of nutella beside me, spoon always at the ready and i would get through a large jar in a day or two. Heaven help anyone that came near that jar, i was like a lioness. i did this more regularly  than  i did veges for a long time, then when i got wiser and ditched it for a sometimes treat. It was still my weakness though and i would often be seen buying a small jar to eat. 

I would eat anything that was chocolate,  especially if it was warm and melty, some of my fave treats USED TO BE, 
double choc fudge mcflurry with half the choc, double the  fudge pieces and marshmallows 
Mars bars  but into tiny pieces and mixed through honey macadamia ice cream
honey comb  pieces in ice cream
subway cookies  of any variety'
and cadbury chocolate family sized that i fancied at the time
thins original crips 
Jars of nutella
Ferero  rocher 
all cadbury favourites.
As you can see i was a sugar addict,  a chocoholic, there was not one day that went by with out it,  even to the point of people knowing that was the way to my heart, my daughters friend would buy me some all the time as thank you. 
That all began to change when i joined the 12 week body transformation. I stopped with the amounts of chocolate i used to eat, i  started to see where i was always getting it so very wrong. 
 Tonight my darling man brought me a tiny one square of cadbury chocolate and i lovingly melted it in my mouth for as long as i could and wow what a difference, it didn't make me feel as warm and snuggly as i  used to. I was frowning and realising that this was not as enjoyable as it once was.  maybe its just my feeling today, or maybe  this is how my body s feeling now. Either  way it was both sad and awesome at the same time. I loved my chocolate and i never thought i would  ever say this but I'm now leaning towards dark chocolate and a very small amount... its like I'm going all healthy or something, crap how did that happen.... 

I will always cherish the memories we had chocolate,  i thank you for all the good times we had together.  even though i may not be needing you any more , i promise i will keep in touch ,,,, Love always 
Gayle. 

weigh in week 3

well after a week of no exercise , i am desperate to get back into it, i will have to start off cycling again till I'm strong enough to tackle Mishs workouts.  

Today is weigh in  day, i had hoped like crazy that i would be able to  empty my digested food before weigh in but it wasn't a possibility * adds benefiber to cup of tea 

so with a heavy digestive tract i got myself naked and  climbed onto the scales.  96.5kg   i should be excited shout it but I'm too tired and down to be, so here it is , woo .. there you go my excitement. 
It feels like my body has gone into pre 12wbt laziness due to the illness. now i want it to be how it was when i was busting my ass with my workouts. 

I may have healed a little quicker with plenty of day sleeps when i felt exhausted  but having the kids home sick meant it wasn't possible. 

i will admit that i should have gone to bed way way way earlier last night,  or should i say early this morning. its no wonder my tank is only half full today.  today i get to peel one of my kgs of my visual board. i have 33 tabs of postit paper strips with numbers on it hanging along the bottom of my board and each kilo i lose i get to peel them off, every 5 kilos has  a reward for me to work towards . Today i will take one more off and work as hard as i can to get a few more off it within the next few weeks. 
My numbers are not dropping as fast as i hoped they would,  they are dropping for sure, just not very quickly. 
This will take alot more will power and strength, i just hope i have that in me . 

Who am i kidding, i have to have that in me. I'm a mum, and we are the strongest people on this planet. 

I will keep working towards my goal of getting my "fitbit one" to work along side my HRM, which i have to add i miss wearing. 

I also have to concentrate on my self care. my facials i used to give myself, my hair is overdue for a trim and colour, my nails remain all gnarly and bitten,  i rarely let myself get down like this, in fact i haven't actually tried on any of my smaller clothes to see if they fit . time to pamper myself more so i can really appreciate what I'm doing to my body and not  just losing the weight and focusing on the flappy bits i see developing as i get smaller. 

OK here's a little video of me removing my 6kg  tab, :)

have a good day.  As a wise boyfriend once told me , Train hard Fight easy... I'm hoping to only battle weight, :)

I was just thinking

I'm here on my journey, with my head in the game the best i can ,  and it has totally consumed alot of my thoughts. It can be rather exhausting mentally learning how to live healthy. The impact on those that love us  can also be huge. All this time i have been working hard to make them proud of me, but i now also have to remember that the harder i work the more it will also affect them. 
They also have to deal with massive change. Kids are pretty good at adapting but there are still things now that are different for my family. 
I no longer just ignore them arguing or making a mess , to "deal with it later" of just calling out "cut it out" instead 90 percent of the time i will be off my ass and seeing whats going on and dealing with the issue immediately.  i didn't always ignore them and have them running around feral, i just mean that if i was reading or cooking or doing something else i used to sometimes just think ugh here they bloody go again, and get on with my tasks at hand. Well now its not like that, as I'm lighter and fitter, well before this damned cold seemed to sap every ounce of my strength lately, i would  go to the source of the noise and sort it out. This must annoy the crap out of the kids. yet on the other hand for the child inevitably getting picked on  they love me for it lol. 
their foods have changed alot. i stopped all junk food and when the kids cry Tatjahna says" mum cant have any of that" i will then pipe in that we all cant have that and i will make  something nom nom at home. That can suck a little too lol, i will need to get my ass into gear and have a massive cook up and freeze mass amount of "take out" so when I'm not the best or tired etc i can just defrost something yummy for the kids that's healthy. 

That's another point, i have to make every damned meal, sigh , if I'm not vigilant with my meal preparations then i will fall into the carb trap. grabbing toast or something equally lazy and carb ridden. might as well just go to a cosmetic surgeon, point to my ass cheeks and say  fill her up , cause that's where carbs end up on me. 

There are no longer  weekly snack hits coming into the house, i will rarely buy chips for the kids  or bikkies etc, i fill my fridge with salad , fruit and veg. 
Quite often i hear "muuuuum theres nothing to eat"   to which i tell them poppycock make a salad sanga. Luckily they quite enjoy these healthier things. I made small pita bread pocket pizzas and Dakotah loves them. 
So foods have changed alot, I'm busier now, and i daresay when i get my little fit bit one  i will be also doing what i can through the day to increase my calorie burn. 
My decision to get smaller and fitter has greatly impacted those who love me. 

My kids are eating healthier and are being more closely  supervised. 
My boyfriend is seeing the changes and is giving positive feedback and hopefully an increase in number 7's 
My mum is my workout buddy and does all my workouts with me
My dad is supporting her and also keeping an eye on her junk food intake and is very proud of us. 
My friends and family are aware of my journey more and more and can see how serious this is for me as i lose more and more weight. 

This morning i showered  and stood in front of the mirror, yes i will have alot of loose tummy and upper thigh skin  when i reach my goal weight, i will stop being scared of that and  will deal with it when i get to where i need to be.
i then had a look for signs of weightloss, as i was 103 kg when i started  losing 6 kilos doesn't really seem like much to me . i haven't noticed  much of a change, mind you i have not measured again since before week one, and i will not do it till we are asked to,  lets hope i get to push through  a few more workouts before then. 
Anyway, i had a good look at my face, (reminds me of a song) and as i looked at my neck and my double chins.... wait, double chin..... its not there much now, what the heck, i  pulled my  head back and looked again. I cannot believe it , i think I'm actually losing my dreaded double chin. its time for me to get a face shot and compare it to previous ones so i can see if there really is a difference. 


When i have my head down and ass up totally consumed by my new way of life,  i need to also remember the impact on my family. I will be glad when i can automatically know things  so I'm not feeling like I'm constantly looking up calories and  figuring out portion sizes.  It will be practiced enough that i will be able to just do it automatically with the least amount of time.  pic below taken by webcam just this very minute.... nose is a little red due to the blowing of excess boogers. i put on as big a smile as i could and kept the camera as level as possible to measure my chinnage. It's getting smaller . I just wish the side view would hurry up and change.

i think i need to finish my housework now... damn pic shows me a few things i cannot keep ignoring that has to be cleaned.  Until next blog, have a great day and  keep it moving.

*raises glass "here's to the future of me"

Getting closer

Today i am thinking as positive as i can. Without exercise i have been struggling mentally with myself. I feel anxiety trying to creep in so im letting myself know that its going to be ok and that i just need to watch what im eating . Yesterday i was over my calories as i wanted veges for tea, i havent been following the menu this week as i didnt like most of it and was too sick to exchange in the recipe index.

Im even typing up this post on my phone as my laptop decided it was not going to turn on today :( stupid thing .

Today i wanted to exercise so much , my lungs are not at capacity so im worried exercising will make me have a hard time breathing. I am hoping to maybe cycle gently later if i can get on my bike. I put my new trainers on today just to wear them lol its been 4 days since i bought them and have not worn them or my sweat band yet. I also wanted to test the high arches lace tying Mish videoed. I have included a pic of my new shoes( they are not fancy name brand but they feel good and i wanted to originally get my feet sized and fitted with the athletes foot but it was flooded out and i dont know where they are now or if they are waiting to reopen again so i have to wait)

If i had my way i would be in bed sleeping but with 4 kids home in varying stages of this cold/ flu i wont have that luxury.
Time for me to get my washing sorted and floors mopped.

Have a great day . I will keep you all posted and fingers crossed i will be back in the swing of things asap.

Day 5 without exercise is driving me crazy

Well its Sunday, my head cold has moved to my chest, i have sneezed , coughed and farted my way through the past 4 days. I'm hoping I'm coming out of the back end of this as opposed to this coming out of my back end. i miss my exercise. it feels like I'm failing . I have been still watching my food as a cold tends to make me eat more  then not eat much  depending on the rawness of my throat. I have been making sure to take my vitamin c and d and iron to help me a bit too. I am wearing chest rub, that would have been interesting if i had of asked Damian to help me with some chest rub ;)

i smell like an old man , all i need is a pair of tracky dacks and a flannel shirt. i have carried around a roll of loo paper for days now, to blow my nose on. i am too tragic to actually  have tissues in the house. I frantically wipe my hands over with hand sanitiser like a germ phobe , which probably doesn't matter as the kids have all had it. Might i also add the kids got better within two days. whereas i feel like i have been battling this forever. The little ones look at me rather impatiently wondering why I'm still sick and they are not. I blame my thyroid for slowing my healing time down.

I'm determined that tomorrow i am exercising again. If i don't think i can handle cardio due to my lungs then i will just be getting on my bike for as long as i can handle at a very gentle pace. If i feel at all that my body isn't breathing well or coping i will stop. Today i have been having some Bisolvin chesty to help clear any mucous out faster.  i guess my body is just exhausted from the coughing and sneezing. I fear these sneezes are so violent  and loud that my neighbours must think i am randomly screaming out "HATE YOU"

My biggest worry is that I'm missing precious exercise. this means i will be back at square one and have to get my fitness back up after being unwell and inactive for this long. If i had the money i would be going back to Salt Therapy. I had the most amazing results when i was seriously suffering sinusitis, i had 12 sessions in a salt cave  but noticed a vast improvement in my health within two sessions. this is the first time i have had congestion since august 2012 and this is a cold not sinus.  

I believe it also helped me with my  ability to get into exercise without worrying about not being able to breathe properly. 
http://salthaven.com.au/

 This is where i had my treatments ,  and i think i would not have managed as much with my weightloss and exercise if it wasn't for the therapies clearing my head as well as it did.  If any of my fellow 12wbters suffer any allergies of breathing ailments that make exercise a bit harder then i would seriously consider  trying this natural alternative. 
On that note i am in need of a cup of tea , and can hardly keep my eyes open. see you all at weigh in on Wednesday and we will see if my lack of exercise has set me back  on my journey to the new me :)

Hiatus on exercise for now

As i type this i am sniffing again and cursing the little booger germs kids bring home from school. I'm also cursing the fact that when you are eating well , exercising and taking vitamins c and d etc that you should be fit enough to ward off a  cold at least. Not on your Nelly, those little germs must have hitch hiked in Connor's nose and he merrily snotted his way through the house gleefully spreading these foul beasts through my home. here comes busy as a bee mummy, cleaning and exercising ,  picking up these little hitch hikers and  silently offering them a ride to my soft tissues. 




 If you are looking for the microscopic bandits they went up there

My biggest worry is food and exercise. i cant follow the menu right now as theres nothing in me that says mmmmm bean sprouts. i had weetbix this morning as it was all i think my tummy could handle right now, and exercise, :( hellllp , i hate not being able to do a workout. i didn't exercise yesterday due to a raw throat. i went to bed with aches and  rawness, woke with no soreness in body or throat, now i have congestion and exhausted from last nights inability  to get to sleep. 

I had gotten out of bed in the hopes i could do light exercise, but shower first i must.  Once i got into the bathroom and saw the results of a couple of days not cleaning ( Wednesday i was out all day running errands and yesterday being sick and blurky) 
i figure that was it , i needed to make sure this house sparkled so i can evict these little blighters. 
the blighters being the germs , as i think i will keep the kids around a little longer, even the germ breeder Connor can stay .

I got undressed,  popped into the shower and cringed, nope i had to clean it, so i  called out to Jahny (Tatjahna) to bring me a scourer and the gumption. I'm thinking there was enough soap and body scum on my shower/bath that i would  be able to make myself a bar of soap. handy considering i just ran out (writes in on shopping list ) 

She gave me a rather odd look, handed me the gear then hastily departed, what? you don't like the idea of seeing your mother cleaning out a bathtub butt nekkid? yeah i wouldn't either ( bless me.... just sneezed) 

I gave that bathroom a clean  a mother with a white glove would be proud of. had my shower and  got out. That's when i realised , oh drat.... i think i just used up the energy i thought i had for exercise today. my head spin, my body tried to convince me to hibernate.  Its not going to happen with exercise today. I will need what little energy i have left to look after the additional 4 sick kids in the house with me. plus..... its driving me crazy that my house is a bit of a mess.  I will be getting up and down today,  cleaning section after section of the house. then i wont feel guilty for  throwing myself n my bed early tonight with a book. That reminds me to get dinner cooked this morning so i don't need to bother later. meatballs sound good for the kids, all filled with veges. 

Ugh, its time to lift my ass off this office chair and clean the dining room, and kitchen. ( how the heck is it that Dakotan was saying her voice was funny and throat sore when she got up and yet shes now jumping all over my exercise step....... i think i have been duped in my weakened state..... so that's 3 sick kids, that lass in on her own lol)

I'm hoping to be back into my exercise asap. and wish you all a lovely day.

*sniffle 

second week in weigh in

Today is Wednesday the 20th Feb 2013   and its weigh in day again. this finds me covering my eyes. i have made sure to do every workout and  to eat the best that i can, just ignore the dark chocolate i ate to day, i blame my hormones for needing it, i  really had to, no one wants me cranky and walking around kicking puppies or something do they?(OK i don't ever ever ever kick puppies and i have no intention of doing it , just to clear the air :)
this morning i got up, still tired as usual. it seems no matter how much sleep i get , i will always wake tired. i long for the day i wake up and feel super wow and full of energy. Apparently i have never been a morning person. I always remember i used to wake in a less than graceful manner, eyes squeezed shut, face all pouty, hair looking like i have been pulled through a small pipe backwards.  I remember the mornings my dad used to wake me up by using a very strange voice saying " wakey wakey hands off snaky" but i remember he would stretch out every syllable  , it drove me crazy, i would end up screeching at him that i was up and then trudge through the house in a bad mood. thanks dad lol.  well Today started like that. Tired and cranky, Connor was saying he was unwell and snuffly, the twins heard this and tried to cotton on to it and hoped to get on his stay home from school bandwagon. It failed but oh boy i was not in the mood for the tantrums they tried after that. Every move they made was in slow motion, all the while trying to bribe me, "mum if you let me stay home like Connor i will clean my room", "look mum i have a runny nose" etc. it didn't work. I raced in to wee and weigh, but first i tried to finish all toileting , if you know what i mean , just in case theres a little extra weight i don't want to weigh.I got myself cleaned( don't want to have a few hundred grams of dirt and unshed skin on me now do i?  i got my scales out, dusted them off, lined them up and got on them, got off them, got on them and back off, waited, and got back on. hm 97.2 OK i can live with that, not much of a change since last Thursday but considering I'm hormonal maybe that's a good thing, as i know in the past i have gained up to and over a kilo around this time of my cycle.
Mum was a nervous wreck by the time the last child was bundled off to school. she was here early to get our workouts done.One of these days my mornings will run smoothly and the kids will be looking forward to getting out of the house.  but i managed to get my cardio done, and holy crap i pushed my body so much harder all i managed to do was exhaust myself. i was dripping sweat like  a champion. Which reminds me that Damian bought mum and i sweat bands for our noggins as i had told him i was in need of getting some, its terribly hard to exercise when you have sweat running into your eyes, and i remember one moment  when i yawn and felt a huge dribble of sweat roll into my mouth but couldn't close my mouth to stop it. In my head though i was screaming noooooo ewwwww.  I will Have to show you a pic of us all sweat  banded up just so you can point and laugh :)

I'm hoping i will start shifting some good numbers soon  and i will be adding some evening cycling to try help..... if i can actually move still by evenings. I'm exhausted today and i just keep reminding myself  how good this will be for me and how much better i  will look when i lose the weight. i will ignore the snippets that pop in my head of a craggy  wrinkly neck , a floppy skinned tummy and  inner thighs that look like i have a couple of pancakes tucked into the leg of my undies.

 MY vertigo is on a high note today so I'm going to go and have a feet up rest to see if i can get it to calm down, maybe  con, i mean ask one of the kids to give my back a bit of a massage to help relax my neck.

Happy weigh in to all of you and have a great day including those of you not doing the Michelle Bridges 12wbt .

Yawns , stretches and scratches ass

Boy oh boy did i wake up tired today. the last few nights have been terrible for sleep. i don't know if its because im too hot, or cold, or hungry or restless, there could be a gazillion reasons i'm sure. i will work on the sleep thing. The problem was that i had Mondayitis , today on a Tuesday , i have always been a little slow on the uptake. The tiredness was almost hard to shake today and if i had not been motivated by mum being here i may have tried a day off, then would have felt guilty for it and later probably ruined my food intake by inhaling some chocolate.  it is ok though, crisis was averted.  you can stop holding your breath now. i opted for the exercise and was glad i did. Mind you i was a little like a  cat today, every surface i passed looked like a potential place to have a nap. I had a weak moment  and ate one of the kids bikkies. it was 40 calories. *rolls eyes. i refuse to feel guilty about it, but the 6 potato gems i ate have meant im not allowed anything other than dinner tonight. I am not too ashamed of my lack of  strength today as i have been doin gthis since January 5th and i have been doing awesome. Not one softdrink, chocolate bar or chip packet in sight. i have been getting the occassional one square of cadbury when Damian thinks i look homocidal , lol his answer is to race out to his hidey hole and find me a piece of choccy. the sweet man. I had to tell him that the same method would not calm a criminal about to rob a bank. 
I  can almost see Damian with his squares of chocolate saving  the world one bad mood at a time.
Well this time it seemed to have a good effect on me, but i swear it is really hard to hold that little square of chocolate in your mouth , melting it and trying to keep the flavour there as long as possible. i think my tongue was picking at every nook and cranny on my mouth in the hopes of finding a forgotten morsal to no avail.
I will one day lose my affections for  chocolate, around the same time that dogs can cook dinner i guess. 

Another reason for my lethargy today was also my chest pains, they were already investigated, echocardiogram done,  and all found to be ok, they believe its muscle spasms,  well i describe it less as a spasm and more of a knife stab. it doesnt happen often  but  this morning it happened a couple of times. they are so painful, sharp and quick that they literally leave me light headed. probably due to the pain of it. i was a little concerned so i was  more aware when i did my exercises. its been fine all day thank heavens. It does make me keep a close eye on it though. I suspect it has a lot to do with how i sit at the computer.My posture is crap, i mean i know how i should sit but for some reason when i get into my office chair i get all jelly like. my shoulders hunch , my tummy resting on my thighs, my breasts almost nipple to thigh , it really isnt very comfy either. i find im always shifting position, my other position isnt much better, my head back against the head rest, feet up on a foot rest , almost laying in my seat. Again i seem to find great ways to  lounge myself in my office chair and not actually sit properly in them. 
I just think that the slouching and the weight of my breasts  may be causing the chest pain. 

so the tiredness and pain almost blew my exercise. i managed to keep solidering on. It turned out to be a very busy day, not leaving any chance to even do all my housework. nawwww, she couldnt do her housework. the workout was done carefully . but now im trying not to nod off as i type. I am just that sleepy that i am starting to think the wet patch on my desk isnt from my cup but is infact a drool spot from nodding off. 

Tomorrow is another cardio day. and the big weigh in . noooooooooooooo , im not looking forward to this again.  last time i gained 200 grams, i just hope i get the results i want to see from it.  im thinking there might be something wrong with my scales, tomorrow i will know if they need to returned to the store. 
I have to go and get dinner ready, otherwise i will doze off in my chair again. the kids think that is hilarious, me typing one minute the next sleeping like a narcoleptic.

i wish everyone luck for weigh in , if i dont like what the scales say then i will have to take them back to the shop and tell them they are just not good enough :)
 just for my own amusement im adding a video of my son from the weekend

welcome my little family. The extra push behind my workouts.

This is where i finally introduce you to my reasons for living and wanting to improve myself.
As most of you know being a mum is the most incredible feeling on this planet.
It doesn't matter what kind of day i have , seeing my kids all happily tucked up in bed with those sweet little faces fills me with joy and pride.

This post will be a brief hello to my family, not all of my family mind you cause wow that would take forever. This will be my kids and my parents to keep it brief.

Wanting to improve myself in health , weight and fitness was encouraged by many things. Hearing my daughter say that kids called me fat, and then her trying to appease me while shes wobbling my belly with her hands. My youngest son saying he hopes I'm still alive when hes a dad ( that was a tear jerking conversation).
Seeing my second eldest daughter struggling with obesity all her life and struggling to get her to help herself when her fave excuse was, "well mum eats it".
Wanting to make my parents proud and not have them worry that i might keel over and they will have to look after the 5 kids lol I'm kidding I'm kidding. i just know that they worry about me even when they don't say for me to lose weight. The fact my mum busts her ass with me in workouts every day is testament that shes willing to support me through this no matter what it takes.The health benefits that i pray are there, less vertigo , if not have my vertigo be gone forever. Be able to run and play without feeling so arthritic. My last motivation  but not my final as I'm sure along the way i will find many other reasons to be doing the 12wbt program, my last is my boyfriend, he deserves a rocking body pressed up against him, one that doesn't keep undulating after a playful ass slap.

OK lets get these introductions in place. My boyfriend has already got a post all about him , which can be found with a few scrolls of my blog:)
i will start with my parents.  My dad Colin, and my mum Lisa. They have been together since i was 7 ( hes my step dad, but the only dad i ever knew )

This is me as a kid with my dad. he is a very gentle man and is always respectful to the feelings of others. he worked hard for his family and taught me so many things that have helped me be a better woman today.  My dad is the most patient father, he was also always proud of me no matter what i did. even with this program hes proud and full of encouragement.  He always told me i was beautiful and everything i did , even if it was a crappy drawing, it was always the best ever to my dad. They don't make them like him anymore. I love my dad.

I am starting to think that my dad may be to blame for me being photographed wearing the daggiest clothes and what is with my hair ?

I know this though that my dad will be proud of me no matter what the outcome is. 
He also has a quiet sense of humour. it sneaks up on you when you least expect it. 

My dad also had a fondness for moustaches :) woohoo dad,  oh , the above pic is me in the green swimmers, my mum and my dad. look at my smile aren't i just the cutest?

 

 He the best dad ever. Good job picking him mum. 

That brings me to my mum Lisa, she is a bloody character that one :)  Mum and i are as thick as thieves and always have been. We have done every adventure we could, from comedy shows to operating karaoke together, to dressing as and elf and fairy to raise money for charity. We have sweat it out at the gym together and survived a beach boot camp. Mum has always been a give a try kind of woman. Talk about funny, mum and i without fail always find something to laugh at. shes generous and kind, and always encouraged me to do what i needed to do. Even if it wasn't what she hoped me to do she didn't judge me by my decisions or my mistakes.  Good work mum :) 

Mum made the mistake of falling asleep before me :)

Both my parents have a great sense of humour :)

me on the left mum in the green elf suit

me hiding my double chin lol at my 30th birthday

  

mum and i with Ewan, on his 1st birthday

She is a well travelled mum, oh my i don't want to know whats under his lap lap thingy

 My mum has the prettiest blue eyes ever. 

  here is mum and Kahlyssa and Tatjahna , mum was a very naughty elf 

 I'm so proud to have my mum with me on this journey. i would be lost without her.

Time to introduce my babies. starting from oldest to youngest. 
Kahlyssa is my eldest, oh boy . This  cheeky girl has given me a run for my money . Always full of energy and pent up frustration.  i have had many trials a tribulations with her but she has the wickedest humour and has never stopped loving her mum. My journey with 12wbt has been eagerly watched by her.
She may be almost 20 but she will always be my baby girl and almost losing her in a car accident in December was  terrifying. Seeing your child in a coma isn't something parents should need to see. It still haunts me to see her so helpless. She is fine now,  she got quite a few injuries  that how now healed mostly. 


Kahlyssa and i always had a hard time getting a  serious pic 

  we managed it this time 

  she doesnt realise how gorgeous she is 

  lol  but shes a great photographer

  this was her first bath , she was a cutie head.

  who would think this innocence would become a teen terror lol

 Next is Tatjahna , she is now 14. She can be such a sweet girl but i need to remind you that shes a teenager.. "run for your yife" as Dakotah used to say

Tatjahna is  a food lover too and i worry about her health, nothing i did , even removing all :"bad" foods from the house mattered as she would then just eat copious amounts of other foods. I'm praying she sees what I'm doing and she wishes to make a difference to herself, because counselling, dietitians, doctors , none have helped. When shes not trying to act like Godzilla she is a loving girl. 
As shes gotten older she has shied away from the camera. 

 Such a beautiful girl i only hope she realises this and treats her body with more respect with regards to food. I have noticed  her keeping a food diary too and trying to be aware of foods and keeping a little more active. i will hope my influence will help her too.

 She also has the sweetest chocolate coloured eyes with the longest lashes ever ... mmmmm chocolate
My biggest issue with her these days is trying to keep her at school, but that's a different story.

Next in line is my pigeon pair, twins Ewan and Dakotah. These guys were supposed to be tiny, i mean they are twins, this will be an easier birth  cause they are so tiny right? nope ,  they were a month premmy , Ewan was 8 pound 3 and dakotah was 6 pound 11. 
I remember complaining that Ewan's birth should have made it easier to push her out but not a chance  lol.

Dakotah , with a turtle found crossing the road after the floods here in 2010/2011. i can still imagine mum now pulling over and rescuing it, while trying to be brave lol ( we took it back to the river)

 This picture below is Ewan on crazy hair day  with his funky faux hawke

  Ewan's front teeth missing, :)

Dakotah proudly showing off the dress i made for her, she still drags it out and wears it two years later, gotta love that :)

Even as a babe she was a smiling face kid :)

 The twins  are total opposites,  and Dakotah is very bossy , even with me, well she tries to be anyway.

They grew up with singing around them 

  and humour around them :)

 It has been a wonderful thing watching them grow. 

 Dakotah is always the boss of them, and the following video , shows a little of that. She used to love watching mum and i at dance class and was super excited to have her own little pretend tap shoes 

I love this video :)  , . Last but not least we have young  Connor,  He is the baby of the family and  because Kahlyssa watched him being born she has spoiled him, hes just a sweet little mummy's little boy and i wish my last child would stay young forever lol. Connor can be a larrikan, but then again it was genetically bound to happen 

  He is Kahlyssa's fave subject for photos 

crazy hair day, he must have confused with crazy face day :)

  the things he will  do for a laugh lol

 With my dad as a baby , 

 Such sweet innocence 

 All together my kids and parents are what keeps me going ,

 Of course Damian helps big time, Who else would i test my HRM with?
If all this isn't motivation , nothing else  will :)

thanks for reading today and welcome to my Family :)