Just a quick post, what the hell is it with stockings? These things were obviously designed to give women a bit of an extra workout , just in case they were the kind of women that liked to do nothing otherwise. It really doesn't matter what size you are these nylon torture tubes are always uncooperative and an enigma to me. The joy is that i finally have lost enough weight that wearing a pair doesn't result in fainting spells due to tightness or that mintie look where the elastic in the waist cutting in and the gusset around the lower body cutting in makes me look like an unwrappable lolly. While winter is upon us i have been partaking in the wearing of these before mentions tubes of squeeziness. My thinking is that if i wore some support hose then it will help me during a busy day with some leg support as i have had inflamed veins in my legs a couple of times. plus they can keep your legs warmer during those cold morning workouts.
The thing is, trying ot get these on ...... there has to be an art to it that i have not yet masters in my over 20 years relationship with them in many and varied colours and textures. When i was young and slim and had to wear the m for work everyday , i was a little cheeky and used to wear suspenders as it made it alot less hot and uncomfortable under the big black woollen skirts as was the original attire for sizzler staff back in the 90's. Now most of the time we need to wear stockings we are putting them on after a shower, this is probably the worst place we could try to put them on as opposed to actually trying to put them on in the shower. It doesn't matter how well i dry my legs they are going to seem like i have painted them with glue as soon as i try to attire myself. the thing with alot of stockings is that they have a very obvious way that they are to be worn. there is often a heel and toe placing so i always line them up to the right direction then do as we all do , i gather them up with my fingers till i have one leg all bunched up in my hands so all i need to do is step my toes into the footing and i can loving glide the "hose" up my thigh all sensuously like they do in the movies right? bow bowwww, not right at all, i do not know what the hell they do to make those flawless shots but i have not managed to figure it out, for me when i start to glide them up i find they glide for but a moment, as I'm rapidly unfurling the stocking as i stretch it round and round, back and forth spiralling up my leg, i get to my knees and start on the other leg, so far so good,, then i look down and realise that is all there is , the legs have stopped and the crotch is stopping at my knee.
Tall size my ass, I'm not even tall so where the heck is the rest of my stockings. I'm feeling ripped off right now, so i start again, this time pinching the stocking from the outside and stretching it upwards in the hope of magically finding the missing 30 or more Cm's of nylon. i then grab the waistband and using the same slide and rise motion as with the legs i try to hoist the band upwards with the wish of the much needed stocking being found in the process. well i now have the waist up under my armpits , the crotch still at my knees and still no upper thigh coverage.
By now I'm starting to sweat and my legs are getting grabbier so this is becoming futile, its time to bring out the big guns, before i cut off the circulation to my knees its time to hula hoops these blooming things up. grabbing the stocking from ankles again i start my back and forwards pulling to bring them up, giving my legs a bit of a shake as i go to help the hoisting, then comes the middle again, holding the elastic i hula hoop my way into them, back and forwards back and forwards to help. By now my finger tips feel like they have carpet burn on them and my stockings are up, unfortunately they are twisted, i have somehow managed to turn them around to the point of the skin on my thighs being pinched by the twisted fabric. ugh will this ever end. time to do the pinch and arrange , pinching careful fingertips of stocking to realign them so i don't feel like my girly bits are being halved tortuously. almost done and them pow, i manage to pop a hole in it, crap. but its high enough i might just be able to save them, now where did i put my clear nail polish?
I have tried drying my legs with a blow dryer, powdering them, even using a body oil before putting them on and they are all the same. heck some of them look like elongated sausages when i get them out the packet , leaving me wondering if i will be able to even breathe when i get them on, hahah assuming i can get them on.
Another annoying thing is that i never seem to have an anti static spray so i walk around with my thighs rubbing up enough static electricity to run a whole city for 3 months , i am my own tazer. I cannot touch anything or anyone without creating my own force field.
i know i can spend alot more money on some finer hose, i have even been told a light spray of hairspray helps with static, i couldn't think of anything more horrifying to spray on my legs when I'm a sticky phobe. i cannot stand dirty hands or anything sticky. My kids were rarely fed anything that might cause stickiness , the idea of a child touching anything in my house with sticky fingers then me touching it is a nightmare, ( it has happened a few times much to my horror lol)
no matter what size i buy them in i know they will be alot of work to get them on.
There is always that furtive glance others give bigger women when they see us eyeballing the stockings aisle and its varied choices. the colours and styles and different fabrics, to be honest i have no clue and don't care i just want one box of stockings with a label stating "the eastiest sons of breeches to get on " then i will gladly have silky smooth supported legs without the ability to jump start a car with one finger.
I have not found such a pair so i will either continue my exhaustive routine wrestle match with my step ins or I'm going back to the suspenders idea. I hope you all have a far better go at it that i do.
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